A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I was dating a man for 4 months, and things were going great but then he told me all of a sudden in a text message to ‘set myself free’ cause he couldn’t handle a relationship with all the things going on in his life right now. Right after he said that, he called a few times, and he texts occasionally (1-2 times a week) – just general conversation. It’s been a month with this limited contact and not seeing him. Last week I replied to a text he sent to me, and ended it by asking him if he would agree to meet me for coffee, and he replied by saying ‘absolutely’.. That was a week ago. Should I call him to ask him now since it was my idea? I would be just a friendly coffee meeting. Any advice from anyone out there?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLatest update: We met up for the coffee meeting last week & had a great time; he surely took his time with me & didn't rush things. I kept the conversation on a lighter note cause I didn't want to ruin the evening. Since then, he has called a few times, he wanted to Skype with me & we did the other night & it was fun, and yesterday he was off and called me to go have lunch with him...which I did. He introduced me to a friend of his who was having lunch at the same restaurant. He also helped me clean a lot of snow off my car when he dropped me back off at my house. He told me he is beginning to develop feelings for me. He also would like me to go on another weekend trip again with him if I can get off from work, but he is very understanding if I can't. He never pressured me into anything; he is a real nice guy when I'm with him.
I hope he is beginning to come around. I want him to keep taking the lead with initiating things with me as I feel it's best that way, yet I do give him a text or call every now & then to show him I think of him & am interested in him. He isn't a very assertive guy. I did ask if he wanted to meet me before he goes to work one day this week while I am off from work so I can buy him a coffee or something to thank him for what he has done for me this week. I hope he accepts. He is not one to call or text often; he kind of just lays back & knows that I will see him whenever he calls. He always tells me how much he enjoys me. I just want more, & since it feels so good, I'm inpatient & want that security of knowing that we are exclusively in a relationship. He hasn't said that yet, but I did ask him if he was involved with anyone else & he said he wasn't. We can openly communicate pretty well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell... he did call me back a few days after I had called him. We talked for about a half hour, just general convo; I didn't bring up anything about 'us' & neither did he. At the end of our talk, I mentioned to him to let me know when he could meet up for coffee, & he said 'I will' in a very nice way. He has been working non-stop for the past week, getting home late hours (I know for a fact he has a job like this). I was glad to hear from him rather than his usual texting that he always seems to do, so a call from him was really nice. He asked how I was & what I've been up to. He said he's been just working very hard.
My question now is.....how long do I wait for this coffee meeting? Is it best for me not to text/call him to say I enjoyed his call & then bring it up again, or just wait till he gets good & ready to meet me? I had told him previously when I first suggested that we meet that I needed to talk with him about something. I want to find out what his intentions are. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): I would advise putting your feelings in a letter on paper but then not sending it. That way you get them out and you don't have to give him any of your time
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): I think you are best to move on from this guy. It seems like he is very indecisive, you shouldn't have to deal with that. If he won't give you the time and answer you deserve then don't give the time or attention he doesn't
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, I called him and of course got his voicemail. I left a message asking him if he could get back with me to meet for coffee and to chat. Now, what if he blows me off and never calls back? I have this weird feeling he may do that. He is somehow avoiding talking with me & I don't know why. But it hurts so much. I know the best thing now is to do absolutely nothing, and if he has the nerve to shoot me off another text & act like nothing happened, I should ignore him. I have a lot of anger inside of me; I just wish I could write it all down & let him know how much I've been hurting over this past month since he told me to move on yet had the nerve to text on occasion like nothing happened. What the hell was he thinking? I feel like he's just played me all along, but his texts were normal conversations. That's what's so confusing. Please help & let me know what you all feel is the best thing for me to do if he ignores my request to talk now. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): Maybe he mean that e didn't want to be in a relationship with you but wanted friends with benefits! A bold move haha!
I would ask him in a text, explain that you are confused
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): Meet up with him and ask him what he wants from you and what he is prepared to give. And then if nothing has changed, think whether it's enough. A couple of texts a week doesn't sound a lot. You need to talk.
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