| A
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: So, I get a call today as I'm leaving work and my love is like, "Something is wrong..." and I'm like," OK, what?" and he tells me he wants to tell me to my face...so I suddenly think, SHIT...this is bad. So, I come home, change, and make my place look a little presentable. Then he shows up...and I figure out what is wrong, for the most part anyway, he wants our relationship to be over.I am so used to him, he has been a constant in my life for 4 months now and there is no way I'm going to give us up that easily. He stated that he cared about me but that he didn't love me "like that" anymore and it has been tearing him apart for the past 2 weeks. He also mentioned that he, wasn't in love with me? Um..love takes time to develop...more than 4 months worth of time.Ok...c'mon 2 weeks compared to 4 months..um, hello? That is WAY too soon to give up on a relationship based on that small of a time frame, it just doesn't make sense. It's even a little embarrassing because I introduced him to most of my family and my friends, I've been so ecstatic about him, at to lose it..embarrasses and hurts me. So, I convinced him that we should take a long break away from each other for 3 weeks, and see if he misses me. God...I am praying SO hard he does. Also, we are past the infatuation stage and I read that this is typically a time that couples tend to break up, because they believe that is when the romance is over...but it's not...it just leads to a deeper love, and that takes time.At this moment, this exact moment...I just want to hold him, I want him in my arms, I want to tell him that we will be able to work it out, I love him so much. I miss him already...these 3 weeks are going to be the most difficult of my life.
View related questions:
a break, broke up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): The kind of attraction that makes a lasting relationship possible is there from the start and sometimes this is maintained and grows. Sometimes it seems there at the start but is really only sexual chemistry or attraction that is transient. I know that you love him, but he doesn’t feel the same. You can not keep him with you by gripping on, that will make him run further and faster. Many people, including myself remember how it feels that first major time when you fall in love and it passes. It is a right of passage and now it is your turn! Please keep at the back of your mind that this time will pass. The waves of pain are like big rollers and when one crashes over you remember you will come up again on the other side very soon. Eventually the frequency will slow and you will be better. Thinking this helped me all those years ago and again later when I had a baby and was in labour! One day you will do that too, with someone who loves you and who you love.
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 I have to agree with the concensus. I do not believe your guy will be back. He fell out of love and held his tongue for two weeks. Two weeks of dispair about how and when he was going to tell you. Two weeks of knowing he was not in love with you. He gave you this break so that you would have time to get used to this idea. He is hoping that you will move on somewhat or at least when he says "no, I truly am not in love with you" that it wont sting so bad. I am very sorry to have said this to you. This is an opportunity for you to look inward at your relationship and to figure out what you want going forward, besides him. I wish you good times and hope that you find someone who will love and cherish you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): im so sorry that it has ended in this way but it has. you have said in your statement that it was only 4 months and that is what you had with this guy.love takes longer than that and no matter how you look at it there is no rebuilding it. he doesnt want you and no amount of time frame is going to make this situation better. you need not feel embarassed that he has met your family you didnt know it was going to end up like this nether did he so you have nothing to regret i wish that you didnt make that treaty with him hun because he wont come back with the right reasons he will come back with all the wrong ones.guilt for one and that is no good for a relationship except its over and move on or you will regret the day he does walk back if he does and i hope he dont for your sake
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): I don't really understand your reasoning. I mean 4 months is more than enough time for a guy to know whether he loves you or not. In fact, the first few months, weeks even, are the MOST important time of a relationship in figuring that out. When a guy falls in love he knows it instantly. HE does not need time to figure it out. So four months is PLENTY of time for him to know, so don't think that more time with you is going to change anything. If he doesn't feel it now, he is not going to feel it later or ever. That's a fact. He has had plenty of time with you to know if he loves you or not. He just doesn't feel it.
Furthermore, feeling that you are not inlove with a person for even one second is way too much, let alone two weeks. So take what he is saying seriously. The fact that he even felt that way, whether for two weeks or two seconds is more than enough information for you to know that it is time to move on.
Certainly it is possible that if he spends time away from you he will feel at a loss. But don't count on it. I mean, if he doesn't love you, which he said he didn't, should he come back it will probably be more due to loneliness than true love for you. Furthermore, he is not trying to string you along. He has been very blunt with you about how he feels. And perhaps the only reason he agreed to this "break" is because you suggested it and NOT because he has any intention of having a change of heart and coming back to you. I mean he was trying to tell you something and you had a hard time accepting it so you suggested a "break" and he jsut went along with it to not hurt your feelings anymore than he has to but he is probably hoping that you will get over him by then.
And don't worry what your family and friends think. They have all been there I am sure. Everybody has been dumped at some point in their lives. They'll understand and nobody's going to laugh at you or think any less of you.
You'll get over him soon enough. Just let him be and take his words SERIOUSLY and don't expect anything more from him. Just move on.
...............................
A
male
reader, ...32 23...  +, writes (5 November 2007):
No guy in there right mind would "take a break" and never get back to you, just give it some time. Absence makes the heart grow stronger after all. a break is always good and i'm sure that he will come back to you, after 4 months...why would he not?
please rate answer...sorry...
good luck! x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): sorry but it seems like its not going to happen. You say it takes more time to know you,ve fallen in love but you say you already love him. Sometimes you just know things arent going to work out. He must have been thinking about this for a while to decide this. Be honest with yourself if this was your friend what would you say. Whatever the answer, its the right one.
...............................
A
female
reader, laurendanielle +, writes (5 November 2007):
im sorry but everything my fiance said to me is what your b/f has sed to you. But my fiance has been gone 3 weeks and he has a new g/f. I was with my fiance 3 years and we were the same. To be honest with you i dont think he will be back. I maybe wrong but i would rather be truthful then build ya hopes up and you be shot down when he doesnt. But you will move on and be happy i promise. I am and thats only been 3 weeks.
Hope that this has helped you in some way.
Take care
xx
...............................
|
