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female
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anonymous
writes:My bf and I just broke up. He is the one who ended it. He said it wouldnt work because we are too different- fair enough, I understand that. Mind you though, I think it has more to do with the fact that he wasnt willing to wait for sex any longer. I told him I wanted to wait till we had known each other longer. At first he said he could only wait 2 months...then he took that back and said he would wait. 2 months comes, and what happens? He breaks up with me. Suspicous much? He denies that not having sex has anything to do with it though. Yeah right.Anyway, he said he wants to remains friends. I thought he was just being polite as alot of people say that. But the very next day he was messaging me non stop, asking how I was etc. I told him I was fine and that I didnt understand why he was messaging me. He said because he cares about me and wants to make sure I am ok and help me. He said he is there for me if I need someone. He wants me to talk to him about my feelings and so on. Its like he thinks he can be there for me, to comfort me, when hes the one who broke my heart. He still refers to him and I as "we", "our", "us" etc. Its been a week and hes still doing all this. Even just messaging me making random conversation. I dont get this. He hasnt changed his online profile relationship status yet either and I have. I told him he cant say and do those things, its not fair for him to break up with me and then still treat me like a gf? Why is he doing this to me? I dont think he wants me back because I asked him if he has doubts about breaking up and he said no way. But then why is he still being in my life? Its giving me false hope. Part of me wants to get back with him, even though I know its a bad idea. I cant tell him this. Im trying to stay strong in front of him. I dont want him to know how much this has hurt me. It hurts that hes trying to make out like hes a caring person and that he still cares for me when during our whole relationship, all he did was try to manipulate me, disrespect me and try to change me to being who he wanted to fit the image he wanted to portray to people.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): You've got the right idea, all you need to do is stick with it. Don't compromise your image and self respect by showing weakness and giving in to him. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): He can say what he likes, but my guess is he thought you might have caved in and agreed to sex if he threatened to break up. It's called blackmail. Meanwhile he's still keeping contact in the hope that you'll really miss him and give in to his blackmail and then everything will be alright.
But if you do, everything will be far from alright. You'll resent him and there's every chance he'd be off on his heels pretty soon after he got what he wanted.
Tell him to stop bothering you, that you're fine, you don't need any help from him whatsoever and there is no 'us' anymore. Put up a wall between you and let him see that he's the one who messed up. Let him see that blackmail isn't the way to a woman's heart or anything else.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, I am 20 years old and he is 25. So you would think he would be more mature, but hes not. I want him back, but if he was to take me back, I dont think id go through with it because I wasnt happy in the relationship. I dont want to tell him to not contact me because then he might think it means that im not ok and i dont want him to have the satisfaction of knowing that im not ok. I want him to think im fine.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): You dont tell us what age you are, but Im assuming that you may young as he sounds very immature.
Why he is doing it is not really important, its his problem.
Do you want him back at all? If not and Id suggest that you could do a lot better, delete his number form your phone, tell him he broke up with you, you dont want to talk with him or speak with him and that you need him to back off.
Then take ime to heal and move on.
Best of luck with it, remember he doesnt deserve to be treated as a friend if he wont treat you as one.
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