A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am completely torn about whether or not to have an abortion. I could really use some adivce because I haven't told many people I am pregnant.I am 21 years old, and my boyfriend is 25. He has a good job and could support a baby, and has lots of family that would help us. I am about to graduate from college. I have a few more classes to take and I will be done. I am a biology major and i want to go on in school to become a physician's assistant or a doctor. My grades are great and I am very smart, so these dreams are very much within reach. My relationship with my boyfriend is good. We have been together about 4 or 5 months (not that long) and we have lived together for about 2 or 3 months. He cheated in the very beginning but committed to me competely after that and while I still have a few trust issues, we are very happy. I don't know if he would ever do it again. He says he messed up and would never and I would like to believe him, but who knows. Mostly I do trust him. He has a child from a previous realtionship and he loves her and takes care of her. he is a wonderful father. I don't know what to do. I am so scared of making the wrong decision. Part of me wants to have an abortion and forget about all of this, but I am afraid I would regret it and possibly have emotional problems which I have heard are quite normal after an abortion. I have made an appointment with the abortion clinic for this Wednesday, but its $550.00 and i have no job (i am a student). While my boyfriend would pay, he wants me to keep the baby and has even bought me a beautiful diamond ring. I don't want to break his heart by telling him I want to have an abortion. I don't even know if thats what I want. I can get the money from my mom, that's not a problem. I just don't know if i should go through with it. I am just as scared to carry a child and give birth as I am to have an abortion. I'm afraid of my body changing and never going back, that my boyfriend and i will break up (even though he has done lots to show how committed he is to this) or cheat, and i will be alone iwth a child. i am afraid of how everyone will see me. Everyone i know expected so much out of me. Expected me to go to medical school and become a doctor and do great things. Not to get pregnant and give up on school to raise a child. I'm afraid I won't be a good mother, that I'm not ready to committ myself so selflessly to a child. I'm so scared and sick to my stomach about this decision. Please someone help me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): If her mother had aborted her, she wouldn't have minded one bit. Because she would never have had any consciousness as we know it to begin with.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): Please Do not get an abortion, you will regret it for the rest of your life. You have a living being inside of you! By the 22nd day of your baby\s development their heart is beating. If you get an abortion you will be killing your child, your flesh and blood. what if your mother would have been having these thoughts when she found out she was pregnant with you, arent you glad she didnt have an abortion
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): Poeple who have had abortions in your situation will tell you it's the best plan.
People who have had babies will tell you to keep the pregnancy.
What you do is up to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): I was in a very similiar situation just a few years ago, my bf was in law school and I was in the pharmacy program. Both of our families had very high dreams for us and so did we. I became pregnant and torn. I too was afraid of being a mom, afraid to throw all my dreams away. Today I am working at my local hospital as the pharmacist and in April my fiance will graduate law school in the top 5 of his class. I will proudly be watching, holding my 2 year old son, as he walks across the stage. Yes it was tough but all worth it. I would gladly give up pharmacy any day to be a mom.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): Look.
To cut a long story short, WHY do you think you need to give up your studies and career because you are pregnant?
Do you think most Doctors are devoid of families?
Having a son or daughter while you study and build up a career MAY make thinks a little more challenging and it requires far more tricky organising and prioritising, but it by no means impossible.
Think just how much sweeter the payoff will be when you have your career, ace all your classes AND did so whilst pregnant and looking after child after the birth?
Now imagine what it will feel whenyou achieve all of that at the sacrifice of a human life that was ended for no other reason then for your own insecurities and fears.
No way near as good. The guilt of an abortion will lessen over time and even stop having such a profound effect on you, but it will NEVER trully disappear. You will have to carry it with you always and some day will be worse than others.
So my advice is to talk to your boyfriend, and discuss options here. His opinion needs to be a factor, because he is half responsible for your pregnancy, so at the very least you need to tell him your feelings.
You also need to look at how to spread your time to both a child and your studies and career (you can hire babysitters or a nanny if you can afford one, or you can find suitable child care). If you are trully determined to have your career, then having a child is not gonna stop you, just make achieving your goals a little more of a challenge.
Yes, your social life might have to take the back-burner for a while, but giving how serious you are at your career and studies, it should have been low on the priority list for a long time by now.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): well, it is up to you, many parents still have a life and have happy well adjusted children. If you are in a good relationship and have extended support you are in a good position. Part of being in a relationship is knowing a baby may come of it. It may not be what you expected, the timing might be a bit off, but it sounds to me like you are really not sure about the abortion. If it was me, I would have the baby!
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (16 March 2009):
 Hi. Are you the same student - majoring in biology and wants to be a a doctor/vet and who thinks that having a baby at this time would put your dreams on hold?
You wrote earlier and this is your link?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-pregnant-but-its-come-at-the-wrong.html (I'm pregnant but it's come at the wrong time and I'm freaking out about it!)
I think you will get the same answers from people, as before. What you need to do is really sit down with someone who can help you in your real life. This would be your counsellors, your boyfriend and his family, your parents, your friends.
Only you know what is best for you in your situation. If you asked over and over again, the same question, with the same situation, you will get similar answers.
If you are in doubt, may I suggest that you do not abort your baby? Just go through with the pregnancy, and let others help you with the baby. Then, you can continue your schooling. You will only miss 1 or two semesters of school.
That way, you will have a win-win solution.
Best of luck to you.
Cat
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): please don't get an abortion! Pretty please! You have your child growing inside of you, give him or her the chance to meet you and its father. I had a child and my body went back to normal, I am thin my stomach is flat and no believes that I had a child. Please don't care of what others might think, it's your life! and you have a great boyfriend who wishes to meet the baby. Allow you child to see you for the first time, give him/her the chance to live. You might have some regretts after the abortion and that may affect you more than actually having your child. It might affect your schooling, you personal life, your relationship with your boyfriend, you might find yourself in solace. Don't be afraid of birth, babies are very soft and flexible when they come out. Nurse and doctors are there to help sooth you with medications. If you're not into meds, take free lamaze courses in the clinic. Go out to a baby store, look at all the pretty things out there for your child. God sent you this child and it was not a mistake. Everything that happens has a purpose, perhaps this child will be there for you when you grow old. I've seen many women finish school, and work during and after their pregnancies. You are no different. That is why there is child care agencies which will care for your baby while you work or to go school. Heck even your mom might give a helping hand. After that, just ask for an IUD it gives you birth control for ten years! Terminating your child might affect you more than keeping it. Wait and see how funny the first movements feels.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): I got a very bad feeling while reading your letter. It seems strange to me that your boyfriend would try to convince you to keep the baby by offering you expensive gifts. This seems totally odd. Is he buying you off? Bribing you? Diamond ring or not, you still have to think very carefully about what YOU want, the practicalities, and what's best for the child that may or may not come of this.
You're boyfriend is pushing you, I think. He might be clouding your judgement. If you are as smart and talented as you say you are, then I imagine you will want to take full advantage and make the most of yourself. People will argue with me here, but you are not going to be able to achieve as much with a baby. At your young age, obviously you're scared to death of having a child. And it doesn't sound to me that you are in a very secure relationship at all.
You say you have only known this guy for a few months, yet say that his cheating in the past is over and forgotten. How long ago could that have been? Two or three months? Can you really be sure of a relationship that is so new? You yourself say you "mostly" trust him. In my opinion, not good enough for the father of your child.
I'm not going to tell you whether you should or shouldn't, but it seems to me like you want to, you just need someone to point out the obvious.
Take care
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A
male
reader, SUICIDEVICTIM +, writes (16 March 2009):
 Wow,why do you think having a child means you cant fulfill your dreams? Its just a baby not the end of the world. If your bf is so commited why hasnt he asked you to marry him?
The choice is yours but more then likely you wil regret having an abortion
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A
female
reader, Olivia(Y). +, writes (16 March 2009):
 None of us on here can tell you what to do, the decission is completely up to you.
You need to think what would happen either way.
If you had a termination you would be able to go and train to be a doctor, work on the relationship with your boyfriend but do you think you will regret it? You might do as this child is your own, its not make believe.
If you decide to keep the baby you can still train for your job but you will have to fit parenting around it. Do you think you will regret having the baby though?
You need to tell your mum about this. Mums are there to care and protect their children from things in life. Then only person you can completely count on is your mum. She will help you through this and help you decide on what you want to do.
Good luck sweetie
Livia
xx
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A
female
reader, Olivia(Y). +, writes (16 March 2009):
None of us on here can tell you what to do, the decission is completely up to you.
You need to think what would happen either way.
If you had a termination you would be able to go and train to be a doctor, work on the relationship with your boyfriend but do you think you will regret it? You might do as this child is your own, its not make believe.
If you decide to keep the baby you can still train for your job but you will have to fit parenting around it. Do you think you will regret having the baby though?
You need to tell your mum about this. Mums are there to care and protect their children from things in life. Then only person you can completely count on is your mum. She will help you through this and help you decide on what you want to do.
Good luck sweetie
Livia
xx
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