A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I really really need help.I was with my boyfriend for one month when he slipped into a state of depression - for six months. Almost two weeks ago he claimed to have felt like he 'snapped' out of it and I was hesitant to let myself trust that because I have experienced depression before and was not confident that it can go away over night.After almost two weeks, I realized all of the emotional damage that was done to my insides during those six months...times of being called a b****, wh***, being told derogatory things about my body and my character, but then less than thirty minutes later, being told the nicest things that I've ever heard, and that I only needed to give patience so that he could feel like himself again. So, after six months of patience, sleeping in the closet if needed, two broken chairs, multiple broken dishes, I was really happy for the past two weeks until I realized how I really felt inside - broken. I explained this to him and said that rather than take my resentment out on him, that I thought it would be best for me to vent to a therapist. At the mention of a therpist he starts to tell me that I have once again driven him back into depression and that it's my fault. ...I don't even know what road to continue on...thoughts would be greatly appreciated.(MOD NOTE: here's an additional question this user posted.)How do I recover from emotional abuse? I decided to stay with him, but the pain that I feel inside is sometimes unbearable and he says that it is my fault for feeling it. ...
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 December 2008):
 Depressed people feel extreme fatigue and malaise. They are often just too tired to get out of bed. They certainly don't have the inclination or strength to break chairs and dishes and to shout vicious things at their partners. Like Tish said, he's abusive not depressed. You are the one who's suffering not him. He only waited one month into your relationship to start pulling this crap on you. Pack your things and move out if only to clear your head but I think once you have time to truly think this over--you'll make it over.
A
female
reader, Too Sensitive +, writes (8 December 2008):
He's using the depression excuse to manipulate you...don't fall for it. If he's depressed, so be it, but he has no right to take it out on you like that.
You have to do what you need to do (i.e., see a therapist yourself) so you can heal from this abusive relationship.
And, he needs to see a therapist himself. For him to blame you for his depression is wrong. A partner can unwittingly trigger a depressive episode in a person afflicted with depression, but this is not the same as causing their depression. No one causes per se another person's depression. And the depressed person should never blame their partner for their depression. Depression is no one's fault per se.
If he is prone to these violent outbursts and blame on you (and probably the world in general), he may be bipolar (manic-depressive). There are different subtypes of this as well. Or he could be suffering from any number of other mental disorders. He needs professional counseling and a professional diagnosis and a desire to get well himself.
If the mere mention of your going to see a therapist sends him off the deep end, he is probably jealous b/c he can't find it within himself to go, and knows deep down that is what he needs. And he seems to have this overriding desire to control you, and that is not right.
Good luck to you - I hope you find peace and sanity in your life.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 December 2008):
 Oh, honey, he's not depressed, he's abusive. He's blaming you for his own problems and you're letting him do that. What you've described of his behavior is not that of a depressed man, it's one with an anger management problem and what's more, this is not going to get better. You don't 'snap out' of this kind of behavior.
Read this article very carefully and reflect on how it describes your situation.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/warning-signs-youre-dating-a-loser.html
You do need to seek that therapist for yourself, don't let him emotionally blackmail you into not doing this. I'm concerned for you because you've been through what sounds like 6 months of hell and his reaction to you telling him your feelings is blame and trying to lay a guilt trip on you.
Time to find that therapist and I seriously think you need to consider moving out. You'll need some perspective on this whole situation and you're not going to get it while he's there, trying to tear you down as a way to control you. Don't fall for his excuses any more. HE'S responsible for his actions and his behavior, NOT you. His feelings are HIS issue, they are not yours, okay?
Take care of yourself, and please post back after you've read that article.
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