A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with a guy for almost 7 years (on and off).The other day he dropped me at his house while he went to the gym, then to his mom's for something to eat. Obviously I waited, just watching TV. When he came back (he had been about 2 and a half hours) he got a shower etc. I was still watching TV, he sat next to me for no longer than 5 minutes then dissapeared downstairs. He was checking his email. But he had been gone for 45 minutes! I eventually got up and went down and said shall we go (drop me off at my house).Is it just me or is it wrong to be sat there all evening on your own? Then he gives 5 minutes of his time then goes downstairs for almost another hour while I'm sat upstairs?We argued in the car, he said he didn't like what I was watching but he never stated that, otherwise I would have changed channel and he also said that I should of gone down to him? I'm sorry but I'm a guest am I right? And he didn't treat me like a guest!He thinks he's in the right and I am in the wrong!And also when we were arguing, just because I shouted back, he said 'you act like a bloke and need to start acting like a lady'???? I didn't even swear at him, and it really hurt my feelings!And he also said that any other normal person would have gone down to him and that all I ever want to do is argue? How can that be true? I'm the one who ends up in tears, and feeling bad, whereas he just carrys on with his day! He thinks he can say hurtful things then just say sorry the next day, but truth his I still hurt! Yeah sticks and stones but when someone who tells you he loves you says things, it hurts!Anyway, we still arn't on good terms because he's not bothered and has carried on with his day! I even said I'll go away with my mum and dad for a few days and he wasn't bothered!Please give me some advice and your opinions.He blames me all the time for not being able to move on because the relationship isn't secure cause we keep fighting.This guy doesn't love me does he?
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (3 August 2007):
 What an uncaring, selfish individual your boyfriend is, he treats you like a posession not like a human. He is never gonna change his attitude, people like him bully the weak, woe be tide if someone who stands up to them. This is something you must do, he must see that he cannot get away with his unacceptable behaviour. If he knew you was upstairs waiting for him, he should have acknowledged that, though why you were waiting for him like an obediant puppy waiting for his master is TOTALLY BEYOND ME!!. Its plain and simple that this JERK has got you dancing to his tune and you are too gullible to see that. And the very fact that you say that you have been together for 7 years on and off should ring alarm bells louder than Big Ben to wake up and sniff the cappucino. Get out there meet another guy who treats you like a Princess and kick this egocentric TWAT to the kerb COMPREHENDE. You deserve it so "You GO Girl" x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2007): seems to me he is a bit of a control freak. he knows that he can go off and enjoy himself because you will just sit and wait around for him. and also he expects you to do all the running to him, thats why he said you should have gone down to him. he is trying to say aswell that you are not entitled to speak your own mind to him. he acts likes hes not bothered because he sounds like an arrogant person. be careful he might just get worse, he obviously thinks men are higher status than women.
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A
male
reader, Wildlife dude  +, writes (2 August 2007):
 Does he love you...well, what has he done for you lately? Be honest. Some men show love in ways that are not conventional, like flowers and candlelit dinners. It took my g/f a long time to figure this out about me. I show her love like, picking up her favorite movie, or I'll take out the trash, do the dishes or laundry when I know she's tired. It doesn't always have to be a grand gesture to get your point across, you have to change your thinking to recognize it. But if you don't recognize these little things, then it will appear that you're ungrateful and always expecting more. Then he'll stop trying. If you've been with this guy for 7 yrs. you've been to his house enough now, that you really aren't a "guest" in my opinion. You know where the TV is, you know where the fridge is, and he probably doesn't mind you helping yourself to whatever is there. I think the two of you have different ideals about what's normal behavior in a loving relationship. Perhaps you should've gone downstairs and said, "hey, whatcha doing?....wanna watch a movie with me?....or better yet....wanna fool around?" That would've probably brought him upstairs in a hurry. After couples have been together that long, it's normal to think you can each be together without necessarily having to "entertain" each other. I think you need to focus more on the fact that he blames you for not allowing him to "move on"...That sounds more like someone who wants out of the relationship and he's withdrawing whenever you're together to show you he's not interested. Unless the fighting can stop, I suspect he'll continue to treat you with disregard. I wish you the best.
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