A
female
age
30-35,
*ayge
writes:Hello everyone,I am facing a situation that i don't know how to handle. I love my boyfriend and i believe he loves me too,we have been together for 2 years.2 weeks ago ,we had plans, we were going to spend the day together,however he told me that things have changed, that he will be able to see me for few hours in the AM, since he had to meet his best friend's ex girlfriend.For all i know,he was never friends with that girl and i couldn't understand why he had to cancel our plans for her,i asked him what was so important,he said that he just needed to talk to her. I was upset,but there is nothing i could about it. Then few days later he tells me that he went to meet the girl, because his best friend asked him to meet her,for something and he asked him to keep it as a secret),that he couldn't tell me the real reason. And i told him but you could have at least told me that it was a secret just to ease my mind,and i wouldn't have been upset like i was. Couple of days ago ,my boyfriend tells me that he has something to tell me because he feels terrible about it,he confessed that he told his best friend a secret of mine(something very private)something that he had promised more than 3 times that he wont tell anyone,he said that he feels bad. Ooh i felt betrayed,i cried so much.And i remembered how he protected his best friend's secret but he couldn't protect mine,i cried like a baby. I can in all honesty say that i am very loyal person, and that is maybe why i feel hurt this much.I told him,that he hurt me but that it will pass.But little did i know,that i was going to feel worse later on.Everyday when i think about it,i cry,and i feel really hurt and betrayed.How can i get past this?What if i cant get past this? We do fight like normal couples, but i have never felt like this.How can i deal with this?Thank you
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female
reader, sayge +, writes (17 September 2012):
sayge is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello Kirra07, thank you a lot for your input.I understand what you are saying,however i am going to agree and disagree with you on certain points.1.We have planned to meet and spend the whole day together,because we have been both very busy,and we hadn't have time to sit just the two of us for more than an hour for two weeks.So him telling me that he is going to meet someone for 6 hours when i haven't spend even half of that time with him alone,you must understand why it was upsetting .But if he had explained a little bit more,then i would have understood.Second, for me there is no such thing as "the secret was not a big deal",a secret is a secret,when a person asks you to keep something as a secret,even when you think its not a big deal, you respect the other person's wishes. And there is no way he had forgotten that it was a secret, he revealed it, to his best friend ,only two weeks after i had told him about it.I am going to agree with you on your conclusion.Because based on what i wrote here,its hard to tell if he does prioritize me or not. But Kirra,the issue is that, he does things like this a lot, telling me he was talking to a friend when i needed him, or cancelling plans/postponing plans and not letting me know. I would call him and he would tell me plans changed, and other things like those. And for him,he doesn't see them as a big deal,but for me they are a big deal, and based on that and other things, thats why i feel like he doesnt put me as his priority. However,i really love him,and i told him before how i feel,he said it wasnt really true,but that he will work on them. But now,like i wrote earlier,i feel like he just proved me right. you must be a forgiving person and its a good thing,and its not that i dont want to forgive him, i really want to get past this, but i am unable too,i feel stuck. I need to know how to forget about this and move on.Thank you again Kirra07
A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (17 September 2012):
I feel like just based on these facts it's hard to say that your boyfriend does not prioritize you. It could very well be that he simply did not think things through properly and made a few mistakes.
Mistake #1 was that he did not properly explain things when he cancelled the date or shortened it to a few hours in the am instead of the whole day. In his defense, possibly you guys spend a decent amount of time together and it was not a special occasion or what not. He didn't stand you up, something came up and he gave you notice and cancelled. That is allowed. His main mistake was that he did not think it through enough to properly explain that he was not just cancelling on you for a stupid/lazy/petty reason, that it was significant just that he wasn't at liberty to say. I would say that that is forgiveable as long as he understands that he worried you and that he should explain things like that in the future.
Mistake #2 was that he divulged your secret to his best friend (and that he refused to tell you his best friend's secret). Yes, at first glance it does seem like his best friend is more important to him than you are (or that he respects his word to his friend above you). But there could be more to this. Obviously his best friend's secret was quite big - impregnating his ex and then asking her to get an abortion and then attempted suicide of the ex. That's pretty huge and involves several people, and is the kind of thing that they really would not want to get out. I don't know what secret it is you told him not to tell anyone, but it may be that he did not consider it to be a big deal. Yes, he should respect that you asked him to keep it a secret and he should know that it's important to you. But maybe some time passed since you asked him to keep it a secret, and he mistakenly slipped up and let it out.
So like I said, just based on these facts alone, I would be inclined to forgive him. It depends on what other things he's done that shows inconsiderateness/disrespect or that he doesn't prioritize you enough. And it depends on whether he does this out of ignorance or lack of caring. But yes, you need to talk to him about what you need from the relationship and what he needs to do and not do to give that to you. So say, if you need to feel that you are a priority in his life, he needs to know that he should not cancel on you unless something major comes up, and you want an explanation if it is, etc etc.
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A
female
reader, sayge +, writes (17 September 2012):
sayge is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hello BondGirl72.
I completely agree with you,and thank you as well for your input.
I told him that worse case scenario he could have tried to explain to me without telling me the secret,but with some good solid explanations. Because he just gave me the information,and i was upset,and he said,i was taking it too personal.
And we always fight over stuff like this,because they make me feel not important enough to him,not a priority and that his level of commitment in this relationship is low,but he never agrees with me. But now after what he did,i feel like i was right all along. Now, i wonder was it just a mistake he made? Am i being harsh on him?But i feel very upset about this, about him not being as loyal to me as i am too him.
I am very confused, i don't want to make a mistake, but i also think this relationship is not a priority to him, regardless of what he tell me, actions speak louder than words.
Thank you again BondGirl
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (17 September 2012):
 He is lying to you. Don't believe anything he says. He is making up stories hoping you will believe him. There would be no reason to cancel plans with a girlfriend to do ANY kind of "favor" for a friend.
I agree with HoneyPie that you need to talk to him. Although, don't be surprised if he tries to tell more stories to cover up his lies. Or, if you are just the type of person to up and leave...I'd go ahead and do it. First of all, you don't tell someone you have a secret and can't tell them. Especially when the person is your girlfriend/significant other. He is a pretty big jerk.
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A
female
reader, sayge +, writes (17 September 2012):
sayge is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Honeypie for your input.
I spoke with him an hour ago, and he told me what the secret was,his best friend got his ex pregnant(at that time they were still together),and he asked her to get an abortion and she did but now she is very depressed and she recently tried to kill herself,thats why my boyfriend wanted to meet with her.
I totally understand,that this is something big, nevertheless he could at least told me that it was something he wasn't at liberty to say instead of leaving me hanging,because for me it felt like i wasn't a priority.
I remember i was pretty upset and we fought about it for at least two days, but he did prefer keeping it a secret. But now because he feels bad,that he betrayed me,he told me the truth( at least i hope it is the truth).
He told me that if my best friend told me she was getting an abortion i wouldn't tell him if she asked me not to tell anyone, and i said that lets agree that i wouldn't tell him the truth.
However,i would make sure that at least he doesn't think that i am choosing someone else over him. Because our relationship is on my priority.
I would let him know that, it is something very private that my best friend doesn't want me to discuss it with anyone. At least that shows someone that you still care about how they feel.
So he is apologizing, but the issue is,i cant really grasp this whole situation. We were already having issues before the whole meeting with the other girl, because i felt like,he wasn't putting me on his priority list, he was putting his friends first,etc and with this happening, unfortunately i feel like my feelings were/are justified.
He claims that,even though what he did,make it look like he doesn't put me first,the reality is that he puts me first, but again how am i suppose to believe that?
I am very confused right now.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 September 2012):
 I would call the BS card on your BF. If he can tell YOUR secret to HIS friend he can do the same for you.
It's like double betrayal there.
What in the world is so SPYLIKE secret about the friends ex gf that he can't tell you?
Sorry, seems to me that he is pulling wool over your eyes and then pulls the "secret - card" when you press to give you something else to focus on.
I would be pissed and not able to tell him anything of significance for a long long time.
And I still don't buy his excuse for seeing the friends ex-gf - he didn't GIVE you one. He just assumed you would accept his word, even though... you can't quite trust it...
You two need to really talk.
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