A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I dated this guy for 3 months a year ago, last summer.He became very ill after about 6 weeks of us being together and was hospitalised for near on a month. I know 3 months isn't very long in terms of relationships, and even though it's likely it was lust more than love, I haven't ever felt so deeply for one person, ever, and he felt the same too. It was almost like we were the yin and yang of each other, we just meshed so, so well.But it fell apart when he came out of hospital. He had been very successful running his own business, but all of a sudden he was almost bed bound, he couldn't work, he couldn't do anything. He was feeling very low. It put alot of strain on our relationship and he ended up calling it off, he said he had nothing to offer me, he wanted to be able to look after me, take me out to dinner and do stuff with me and he could hardly get out of bed. He's a very proud and independant person, I understood his reasons although I was willing to work through his recovery with him. We kept in touch for a while after breaking up but it was too hard for both of us to see each other. The feelings were too intense still.He moved away as soon as he was able to, and has spent the past 9 months or so living 4 hours away from where we both lived. He spent the year recovering and getting his health back up to scratch, and training for a new career, he'll never be able to go back to his old work/job.He came back for good a few weeks ago, and got in touch. He's exactly the same guy as when I first met him, not the nearly bed bound guy I saw last. It's like we picked up where we left off without him ever being ill...Like no time has passed at all.We've agreed to take things as they come, and not rush back into a relationship. He hasn't dated anyone since me, and I had a brief relationship in this time. The problem was that no one seemed to compare to him or how he made me feel. Neither of our feelings seemed to have dimmed at all, and I'm glad we had the time apart to individually get ourselves straight, I suppose my one little niggle is I'm scared of him leaving again...I know it was because he got ill, but it was so hard. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (26 July 2009):
 I think the way to look at is at what the outcomes of your two or more possible paths would be.If you don't reconnect with him and try again--what happens? You feel regret and loss for the missed opportunity for the rest of your life or do you resign yourself that you had a chance but it just wasn't meant to be. You do reconnect and try again, let things build to whereever they are going to go--then he gets ill again and shuts you out.You do reconnect and try again, things work, he gets ill again, and this time, you help him through it.You reconnect and try again, things work, he doesn't get ill and you get the chance for a long-lasting and healthy relationship.I think you know what you can and can't handle, you just need to look at the potential future(s) you might have both with and without him.The thing I've learned in life is that there are no guarantees and that there can be a lot of suffering. There can also be great joy and beauty and it's up to you what forces drive you, positive or negative. Hope or fear. I personally have chosen hope. I used to allow fear to decide things, but for me, that leads nowhere.I'm not going to tell you what you should do, I'm just offering this up as a framework that you can use to sort out the decision. And remember, there are few decisions that aren't reversible.Good luck, I hope things work out for the best!
A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (26 July 2009):
 its normal you feel scared as the first time he took ill it was tramautic for the both of you.
your both doing the right thing now, taking things slowly and not rushing it.
you need to not worry so much & think positively about the future,
-at least he made it through the illness and you have a 2nd chance, some dont even get that.
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