A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just broke up with my boyfriend of a few years and I feel devastated. I really thought he was the one. I thought he was amazing and we had so many lovely times together and I thought we’d get married etc and I was so happy and I told him everything and he was always there for me and I’d see him nearly every day and we’d talk non stop. Thing is I then found out he cheated on me I’m so upset it’s literally broke me. I feel so stupid and I’m so hurt. I’ve got an appology but that doesn’t really cut it does it. He says he doesn’t want to get back together as he likes being single and it’s over with her she was nothing however he’s said he doesn’t want to lose me and wants us to be mates. I don’t see how that works and the trust is gone. The more I pull away the more he calls. I still love him as stupid as that sounds I can’t just turn my feeling off but I hate what he did and part of me would love to be able to be friends I was so happy but also I’d like to go back to before he cheated. It hurts so bad. I sit and watch the phone ring but then I answer because I care but it usually ends in tears he says he misses me, I miss him too. We had so many lovely plans and she knew me who he cheated with and she still did it aswell, I mean he’s the one at fault ultimately and he lied to me and I can’t forgive it but how do you just stop caring. I hate the thought of never seeing him again or speaking to him again but also to stay in touch i can’t trust anything he says and it’s too painful I feel like out of the 3 I’m the only one hurting. He seems ok he carries on and is out all time, she doesn’t care says it was just sex and no feelings there and he agrees and I’m the one in tears I literally have been there for him so much, I’ve always supported him, I’ve been nothing but loyal, I cooked for him, I arranged nice things for him, I got him little presents etc when he was down and I made us cute things when we stayed in for date nights and I made such an effort and I cared so much and she doesn’t even and he did that I’m so hurt and I don’t know how to get over it. I feel worthless. I feel so lonely too I did everything with him I miss him and I miss how things were I thought he was the one. It’s like he was two people I can’t get my head round it. And why does he want to be my friend and he gets defensive when I say I can’t and then repeatedly calls and like I’ve said if he didn’t want to lose me why sleep with her and I just feel like worthless and like I’m only the one who is upset and I feel it’s unfair he still seems happy and just can carry on meanwhile I’m bursting into tears all time and why did I deserve him to do that I’ve never done a bad thing to him we’d never even had an arguement up until then things were amazing he said he just didn’t like being trapped in a relationship and I’m too intense and things were getting too serious and he’s said he’ll probably regret it and want me back but I’ve said he doesn’t get me back but it hurts. I just feel lost and we had so many nice plans and I just keep thinking what we’d be doing. What would you do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2023): Simple fact he CHOSE to F…ck someone else whilst proclaiming to be with you…. You picture that image of him doing something which only should be with you and get over the fantasy. Feelings will disappear in time and you will heal and move on… cut him off he just wants to feel he still has a hold over you…. Do you want that? Cry scream get those feelings out and take time for yourself… advice from someone who has been through a similar experience x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2023): Hi there, I usually just read posts and don’t comment but your story is relatable as I was in this situation once.
You got to cut all contact with this loser! I know it hurts so much and you still love him but you are strong and the longer you stay in contact, the longer it will take you to move on!
I hope one day when your heart is healed and you are with someone who is worthy of your love, you look back at this relationship and see how far you have come and how much better off you now are. Until then be kind to yourself but also stay strong x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 December 2023):
 "What would you do?"
I would STOP accepting responsibility for THEIR actions.
Unless you have any financial ties to EITHER of them, I would let them know that you are cutting them out of your life, like the CANCEROUS tumors they are.
Of course, they don't REALLY care! They didn't get hurt. HE still gets to talk to you, so he hasn't realized the extent of his loss.
You need to let them go. That means cut all contact. You are keeping them around and talking to them means they can continue to "claim" it was no big deal.
Also, he is trying to put the "blame" on you... Like it's your fault he cheated. ITS NOT. HE made that choice.
"he said he just didn’t like being trapped in a relationship"
THAT right there is NOT an excuse to cheat. If he "felt trapped" he could have BROKEN UP WITH YOU! He didn't.
Cheating IS a big deal. For many it's a DEAL BREAKER. For you it was. He KNEW that before he decided to cheat. He just thought you would be stupid enough to stick with him OR you would never find out.
"I feel worthless."
You need to let that go. Because it's not YOU that is worthless. It's them.
YOU know your worth - which is why you can't date a cheater.
"I’ve always supported him, I’ve been nothing but loyal, I cooked for him, I arranged nice things for him, I got him little presents etc when he was down and I made us cute things when we stayed in for date nights and I made such an effort and I cared so much "
You did your best to be the BEST GF and partner for him. He cheated because he KNOWS he isn't worthy of you!
I will be there would be a LINE out the DOOR of GREAT and LOVELY guys who would LOVE to have a partner like you.
Take some time to find your equilibrium, make YOURSELF the main character for a while. Pick up a hobby, reconnect with old friends, see family.
He wasn't the one for you. Hiss LOSS, not yours (in the long run)
It's OK to feel sad and heartbroken. Because you are human and you have ACTUAL feelings! Give yourself some time to "grieve" the loss of the FANTASY of a future with him. It's not going to happen.
Him cheating now (as much as it hurts) is BETTER than him cheating AFTER you marry, combine finances and have kids.!
In short, CUT them off. You do NOT need to pretend to be friends with EITHER of them.
The LONGER you keep those kind of people in your life? The longer it will take to get over HIM and meet the RIGHT guy for you.
Chin up.
I know it hurts. Just know the trash took itself out.
"he’s said he’ll probably regret it and want me back "
Who cares?!
NEVER go back to a dud!
I'm glad you have so much self-respect that you told him," I’ve said he doesn’t get me back "
Now STOP talking to him. He doesn't deserve another minute of your time.
You WILL get over him!
You will always be "the one who got away" to him. That one girl who went above and beyond.
My last piece of advice.
Next time you meet someone and start dating, don't go "all in" learn to "GIVE" as much as you "get" - don't CARRY the whole relationship (emotionally) by yourself.
Don't overlook red flags. My guess is this now-ex has cheated before.
Merry Christmas - Happy holiday
I hope you get over that asshat soon!
And... CUT HIM OFF NOW. Block, delete.. If he still contacts you, tell him you want nothing to do with him and for him to stop contacting you. (do that over text and take a screen shot) If he doesn't stop, get a new phone number. If he finds your new number and keeps contacting you "wanting" to be friends tell him you will contact the police about harassment if he doesn't stop.
Oh, I almost forgot... DELETE ALL your photos from social media with him (and her, if there are any) Let him see that you took out the garbage! If he comments.. block him.
As for HER - screw her. She isn't worth a moment of your thoughts. She is a loser who will screw anything with a pulse and a penis....
Chin up!
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