A
female
age
22-25,
*herry17
writes:So if you see my previous posts I was in what I now consider a toxic relationship for almost 2 years. I will spare the details but I essentially felt used, discarded, and led-on by my ex-boyfriend who I considered to be a pretty nice guy. I'm not going to assume anything, but he was manipulative throughout our relationship (emotional, sexually) and now I am not sure if he was a narcissist or just unaware of his actions that hurt me. Besides the issues we had, I experience C-ptsd and in general tend to overthink and have anxiety about relationships. I am not surrounded by many healthy relationships (parents divorced and current marriage is toxic, friends get cheated on/played, etc.) so I have a hard time opening up and trusting men. Sometimes I wonder if it's all in my head - if the way I think is a defense mechanism so that future me doesn't get hurt. I know that if I am receptive and open, of course I will meet a good person and shouldn't be afraid of dating. But I have been single for a long time now and cannot do casual hookup culture. I also can't commit to relationships that easily, because I noticed once someone gives me attention I will go all in despite not having true feelings for them. Either that or I shut myself off and ghost or avoid them. This is why despite few men trying to pursue me i have pushed them all away because I never felt ready. I think that is the unhealed part of me yearning for affection. I have become so comfortable in my independence/peace that dating a man would require him to be truly serious about me. So far, I have not found that organically - I do not wish to use dating apps but I will be open to that in the future. I intend to try new hobbies next year to meet people, but since I am planning for advancing my professional degree my free time is somewhat limited. Also, I do plan to go back to therapy once I get new insurance. I did not really connect with my old one that well anyways. I would appreciate any advice on overcoming my situation and relationship anxiety, thank you.
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male
reader, kenny  +, writes (24 December 2023):
 Ok i know you have some bad experiences with regards to dating, and you feel you are surrounded by negative relationships.
I am a great believer that time is the healer of all things, and its so important to refrain from dating and get yourself back together and learn to love yourself again.
The relationships you tried but unfortunately never worked failed because you were not ready, and by your own admission you said this yourself.
You sound like you are heading in the right direction, and is probably what i would have advised, you intend to try new hobbies next year, and i think this is a great thing to do because you end up meeting someone with common interests. Also you are also planning for advancing your professional degree so this is all positive.
Keep going as you are going, don't think to much about trying to meet someone and concentrate on doing the things that you want to do, things that make your heart sing. Do a bucket list of things to achieve in 2024 and go out of your way to achieve them.
I am a great believer that we will most certainly find true love, and when we very least expect it.
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