A
female
age
41-50,
*oquefort13
writes:I've been seeing this guy for the past 10 months.He can be very sweet and I think I love him well.The problem is that he keeps saying that he doesn't belong to anyone and more sometimes he tells me about the girls he "used to have a crush on" or about the girls that hit on him. Even more, sometimes he tells me that I should date this or that guy just for a try. These are no usual comments but they really bother me. He knows it. He says that then if he decides to go out with some other girl "should I hide it from you or should I tell you right up front?". Why is he doing it? Is he trying to have a reaction from me?
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female
reader, BadAsh6705  +, writes (26 November 2007):
 I hate to say it, but this could be a sign that he has cheated on you. I was in a relationship of over a year when my boyfriend suddenly asked me if I ever think about seeing other guys. After about 10 seconds I said, "Why? Who are you thinking about?" and I just knew that the only reason he would ask that is to see how I would react because he was hiding something and felt guilty. Eventually he admitted to cheating.He could either seriously want an open relationship and want to see you, but still have the option to date other girls which is not a totally bad deal (considering you could do the same) if you think you could handle it. It seems from what you said that he would be happy with that, but I doubt you will get any promises or committment out of him. Either that, or he wants to break up but can't get up the courage to do it.If it would hurt you to know he was with another girl, then you should probably break it off with this guy. It doesn't seem like he is ready to settle down anytime soon.
A
female
reader, Franci  +, writes (22 November 2007):
I would say That he is sending you a messageThat he doesn't love you and he isn't brave Enough to take the first step to end the relationship just in case he regrets latter!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007): He is trying to be honest with you. He doesn't see this relationship as exclusive and is encouraging you to see it too. If this is not what you want then it is better to get out before your heart gets broken.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007): WOW!!!! SELF-ESTEEM SCREAMING OUT LOUD...Most guys try to play off that they are bigger then normal and then you get to the bottom of it and its not as big as you thought or what he made it to be. I have notice that about most guys they say Oh so when I do find someone that they find interesting I want to bleep them but should I keep it from you or should I tell you?I want to say RUN AND NEVER GO BACK but to be honest its not as easy as it seems, and most ppl in your situation end up being that actual one hurt because you love them and would do whatever it takes to understand but do you understand this that its not healthy for someone to as question like that nor make comments to you that way, You are his and as well as he is yours. I have been their, done that and just the thought of it makes me want to tell you its time for you to go. Nothing you can do can help him build his self-esteem, you can make comments and repeatively say it but someone that gets reject feel the same as if they are gettin the uncalled for comments or even the thought of him wanting to cheat. You are probably like me and want someone that you dont have to share and them to know that you are the one and only, He probably see something in you that you dont see and feel's that one day you'll wake up and relize you dont need him. Which is right...You don't the only question is do you want him is the difference, to want something and have it is the best feeling even if its money or a friend that you find humours or jut something you worked your ass off to finally call yours. He is what I would call Broken down confindent, when you both met he was just overwelm'd and just full of excitment and everyday was a brand new day with a different smile and different feel to every new exprience but what you are seeing now is something that he has always fought with and that was his inner-self and that is something you can't do nor I can help you advice you to makin him to believe that you love him, its a feeling that two share and once the trust is broken by cheating or lying over small stuff it makes it harder for someone to walk away but harder to understand and correct. If you stay which is all up to you, it doesn't make you look like a fool nor him, it just says Im staying through thick and thin and staying til the end. Proves to you tat ppl do change but I would advice you to let him find himself even if its not with you. You deserve better I know that and that if he continues with the comments and the unconfidents it will teach you alot about yourself but I can't tell you if you'd learn something from it or if you dont understand why. I am here for you and want to say You are not alone and to never let those get the best of you nor lose the you.
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (22 November 2007):
I think your boyfriend suffers from indecision and has an inferiority complex.He's really acting immature,unless he's younger than you,i'll understand.My dear it's time you asked yourself what you want from this relationship because i see you getting heart beoken any time soon.How can he say he doesn't belong to anyone? Are you guys in a relationship o just having a fling.Tell him to grow up and be serious about your relationship.Otherwise he seems to have a phobia to commitment and still wants to jump into other girls' panties.By the way hun,most men are sweet and kind. Even those who just want to sleep with you.
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A
female
reader, Cupid070707  +, writes (22 November 2007):
ah! this kind of communication can mean either two things:the one that he is most likey to be doing is trying to get your attention that your relationship needs a bit more honeymoon feel to it and it is running out of buzz, so hes trying to make you jelous so you will act on being more passionate with him and show him your love.or the less likly reason:he is become less interested with you and is blocking you from his emotions so if he does break up with you it wont hurt you or him as much.So he is doing it for the good of the relationship, you now just have to show him what a girlfriend you can be.
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A
female
reader, muffy +, writes (22 November 2007):
 hunney its obvious hes trying to get you jealous.or hes just a complete player and you should 4get about him.but i think its mostly because he wants you to be jealous.men are different from women.they arent very good about showing their feeligs.they are just scared that theyll look stupid in front of their friends.he wants you to make the first move to make his friends think hes cool cuz if you make the first move then you obviously like him and his friends will give him props for getting a girl.boys are stupid like that.but hes just trying to get you jealous.so if ur interested then go for it but if your not then just say you dont care what he does as long as its not with you ;) lol.i hope i helpedlove and kisses
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007): I don't have that much experience with this kind of thing, but it sounds like he's not entirely committed to you and is hinting to you that he could two-time you. If I were you I'd make it clear that as long as he's with you he has to be entirely committed to you, or you're breaking the relationship off.
Good luck with this.
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