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female
,
anonymous
writes: Did I do something wrong? Last night my fiance and I talked on the phone and he wanted me to go in to his work for about two hours the next day to help out with some cleaning (he's owns his own business and was out of town). He only asked because he knew I wasn't working the next morning or going to school, I only had to work in the afternoon. So, I said okay. Problem is, we talked on the phone for about two hours, half the time aruging and I didn't get to sleep until 3 in the morning. When I woke up I completely forgot about going to his work, plus I was bothered by many important calls about my job and such. By the time I had done all that and was getting ready for my work I realized that I had forgotten to go in to his work. Well, he not so pleasantly reminded me. When I was in the shower he left me a message saying he couldn't depend on me and I shouldn't be sleeping in until 12. I called him and he said one of his customers yelled at him and I told him not to blame anything on me because I don't work for him, and I had nothing to do with his customer being mad. It's not like he was going to pay me anyway. I said it was an honest mistake but he was still mad saying his co-worker didn't get to take a break for lunch....but his co-worker never does, and if cleaning is so important, why doesn't his co-worker do it? I just felt like he blamed everything on me and not only did i forget, but I also had a lot going on, which is totally unfair. All day I've had this bad feeling like he is controlling and blames me. I don't know if I'm being emotionally abused, but it's like I have no self confidence and I can't concentrate, and I'm afraid to talk to him again. Any suggestions?
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (22 August 2007):
 OK the crux of this matter was that you promised to do something and forgot - you are human and speaking till 3am in the morning would mean that you are tired.
I am not saying that this was no blame on your part, you promised to do something and said yes to him but if you had been arguing on the phone were you being bullied into it? Hmmm don't know the answer to that one, only you know I'm afraid.
If he is your fiance and you are arguing all the time, what is all the arguing about, I just have to say that's all?
OK why doesn't he have a cleaner of his own if it is his own business, he obviously knew he was going to be out of town so he should have either made contingency plans with his staff or sorted out a cleaner. This co-worker who never normally has the lunch hour sounds like they are being put on as well. Everyone is entitled to a lunch break, it is against the law to work right through.
He took out everything on you because a customer had a go at him.
I honestly don't know if there is a lot of love in this relationship, it doesn't sound like it to me, how long have you been together or engaged btw?
If you are being controlled now sweetheart, nothing will change, it will only get worse but you will have a ring on your finger and then perhaps children who will be controlled. Think things through long and hard before you make the final leap eh!
Let things cool down and if he does contact you and starts hurling abuse tell him that unless he stops shouting you are not going to talk to him, you are his fiance and you are not going to be shouted at. See how he reacts or just tell him you will end the call, may make him angrier but you are at the end of a phone and not face to face.
Hope some of this helps.
BFN
Country Woman
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