A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't even know how to ask for help with this question. I've been asking so many in the last couple of days. Right now my situation is different. In the last month and a half that my boyfriend and I have been dating I have been very up and down and back and forth on what I want. I tend to do that in the beginning of every relationship. We seemed so incompatible and I was unsure if he cared some of the time and so in turn I didn't know how much I really cared. We ended it pretty harshly about 3 days ago when I thought all he wanted was sex and I hung out with another guy without telling him (as friends, nothing more). He has said he never wanted to speak to me again. I was doing fine being on my own after that honestly. A lot of me thought I had only stayed with him for fear of being alone.He called saturday. I was in complete shock... He wanted to explain that he wasn't using me for sex as I had thought, he thought I wasn't interested in him anymore, etc. We ended up talking for 3 hours. Which in itself was a shock since he hates the phone so much. We talked about trying to be friends. Then we texted the rest of the night. Saying things like, I can't be friends with you if you date other people. And- it's hard talking to you after you hung out with that guy behind my back, but it beats the alternative of not having you in my life at all. Well we hung out last night, supposed to be as just friends. Within about 2 hours we were laying together. Then when it came time to leave he wanted to stay the night. Which made me so happy. Then we ended up having sex, which I initiated. All night the relationship was different than I had felt before. Then At that point something changed. I knew I knew exactly what I wanted, no longer back and forth and unsure if I cared or not. I was actually pretty upset. It was like I finally fell for this guy and I'm going to just get crushed since he came over on the pretext of friends. I couldn't stop saying I love you. And he said I love you too. He said he would never hurt me. This morning we texted as always. I ended up asking what he wanted with us, like what the hell we are. He wouldn't answer straight out. He kept saying he tried to come over as friends. I just kept asking what he wanted. He still was saying I love you. He was saying what would be different in the relationship this time, like why now would it work? He said we have too many ups and downs as a couple. Yet as friends we would not be dating anyone else and do all the things couples do... I ended up saying that I love him and have too much feelings for him to just stay friends and we would need to just stop talking altogether. The last thing he texted was- Is there any scenario that exists in which you would be my friend?- I take that to mean we just won't date again. I don't get why! He says he loves me, I love him. I get that it is hard, our relationship does not have the best track record. But when we tried to break up days ago he came back because he couldn't just not have me in his life. We said we were addicted to each other. I just don't get why if he loves me, wants me in his life, doesn't want to date other people- why would he just let me go completely thinking the relationship probably won't work??? He has told me he never felt this way before. Why the hell would he want to date someone else without those feelings just because it would be easier??? Love is all that matters. You don't just let it go. I would appreciate any advice. Should I just move on from him? I love him but I can't do friends, it would hurt too much. I don't know if he is just being stubborn, because he can be very stubborn, or if he truly does not want to be in a relationship with me ever. And when I ask I just get questions back as to how it would be different. So any advice or if I should give up already. Thanks.
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crush, I love you, move on, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ashlydance33 +, writes (9 March 2010):
 You're welcome and I'm glad to hear everything turned out well =]
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell he did end up not being able to be just friends and we are together now. Only took him like 2 days, lol. Thank you for the advice. I would have walked had he not committed, I wasn't going to wait long since it would've been too hard.
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A
female
reader, ashlydance33 +, writes (9 March 2010):
From the sound of it, I think you already know what you have to do. You and I are in the same age group and we're both heterosexual women so if I were in your shoes, I would tell him "You either love me and want to be with me, and only me and not just as friends or you can walk right out that door." If he just won't commit, then you deserve better, and I think you already know this but you just needed someone to confirm it. Good luck, I hope everything turns out for the best =]
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