A
female
age
30-35,
*ayMay1
writes:Hi My boyfriend just left me last night and Im writing my final Law exam today. We dated for 1 year and it was an emotional traumatic experience. He and I come from two different worlds,Im studying and trying to make a career for myself and he is happy with being a driver for the local health department. His family is extremely old school, they believe that a woman's place is in the kitchen, whereas my family believe in independence and being successful no matter what gender you are. When we started dating everything was amazing. I mean he was really the most amazing guy I ever met, ive had a really bad trackrecord with men so this was so new and wonderful to me i fell head over heals. Problems started around my birthday when he got irritated at the fact that I wasnt spending as much time with him and i was with my friends a little too much and not giving him enough attention. He eventually punched a wall. He had such a huge problem with me going out with my frinds or worse having guy friends, he would say things like "thats not the way a woman should behave" So i distance myself from my circle of friends completely. He told me everything he didnt like, including the clothes and make up. He introduced me to his family who werent thrilled about me at all. He broke up with me saying that I used him for money and that He just doesnt want to be with me. I kept calling him texting him to get him back, eventually we got back together. It was ok when we got back together. He was never the same with me again. My parents were going through the biggest fight ever and he was there for me no question about it. I changed almost everything about myself to be what he wanted but i seemed to do everything wrong and he constantly kept finding faults in me. I started writing my final exams last week and he said that while I write he wants nothing to with me, he said that if i wanna go out i must go out with my friends and he will only be in my life after exams. That kinda hurt coz i kept saying to him that "its not about my friends, I wanna see you and spend time with you", then he just said that I must go hang out with all those guys i know. recently its been like I dont interest him and he was distancing himself from me. He wouldnt spend time with me coz he said he had to be with his cousin(who by the way just got married and has a pregnant wife), or go out with his friends and so on. He crusified me for those things and ended up doing exactly that. He told me I have low self esteem and i need to get professional help for my depression. Then 3 days ago he bought me a gift to motivate me to write exams, then yesterday he took off with me saying that I must go out with friends. My mum took the phone from me and he explained that he doesnt want to be with me anymore i mustn't call him and he wont call me. What do I do? Im intensely hurt and my heart is just bleeding right now... Please help me if you can, I really dont know what to do or if he'll even come back.
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female
reader, MayMay1 +, writes (13 November 2010):
MayMay1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGuys he wasnt all bad and I know that we both had our flaws. What I cant understand is thaT how earlier that day he could ask me to find him a job for one of the companies I work for and later ask me for a sexy pic and then just break up with me. My mum was hurting over the fact that I was hurting and thats why she spoke to him to try and sort out things. I spent so much money just in this week to buy him airtim(money to call) coz he is always broke from the day after he gets paid. For his birthday I went out of my way, he hates the fact that I work as well as I study so everytime I was at work he refused to talk to me or see me after. My mind suffers from confusion. Then Telling me I must be myself and then tells me everything thats wrong. He's 28 lives at home so i keep trying to motivate him to do things with his life and help him aspire to greater things....Anyways my exam is in a couple of hours and I was taking a quick break just to check responses and I was pleasantly surprised so at leat that put a good smile on my face.... I love him though and thats what makes everything so much harder
A
female
reader, MayMay1 +, writes (13 November 2010):
MayMay1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFrom the bottam of my heart(well at leasts whats left of it) thank u so much for everything and every piece of advice that u have given me. Make no mistake I take what u say very seriously and I need time to heal for sure. I think the greatest feeling is knowing thaT all of u took the time and effort to help me in this time of stress and desperation. I appreciate all of this and I'm literally in tears over the fact that I can actually get this kind of support....Thank You
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): Girl, this man is not making you happy. He is stressing you out, and because you love him you are putting up with it, trying your hardest to accomodate him.
I want to make this very very very clear - Do not forget who you are! You are at a very tender age. I would like to say to you to handle this seriously as a break up and take it on your own grounds "breakups feel like you are bleeding on the inside, and you are".
Right now your FOCUS is to be on your exams...papers, k. Please listen to this, be patient with him, if he is right for you, you will continue to be a good girl and show him you do not want any other man by ignoring him draining your energy this way. Right now he is being selfish, and no doubt hurting, but he could have waited a day to do this, but he wants to hurt you know, because he is hurting. He is trying to change who you are because he is insecure that you will find a better man than him, thats just what I feel, and that is why he fears you going out and being independant. Maybe write him a letter. Put it down on paper now, just quickly saying how you want him to feel secure with you, and to trust you, and believe in us. Something like that, don't go into what his doing, etc. Just what you are doing because you want to have an easier life and afford nice pretty things without him working to death.
Just as I said, do not stop being who you are for him, you may not be ready for a serious relationship yet, and this is serious.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): Both of you loved you change for him means why he wants to keep distance from you, be clear that he loved you for some reasons or for your beauty and money,he want to keep distance from you means he fell love with another person or his family dont accept you when he dont wants you means why you want him, leave that love is like a passing cloud that makes much pain on our hearts,study and do the exam well this is not the end of the life you will get the person whom loves you more than you made love for him good luck
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