A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:how do you successfully date an older man that is so much into letting his family control him. his kids do not like me and he doesn't want to upset them so therefore we will never get married. i mean for goodness sakes .don't let them be sad. he always protects them against any hurts or disappointments. this man has so much guilt that he is eaten up with it. anytime his kids (36 and 40 ) need him he jumps. this man is so mixed up. do you guys think there is any hope for us? i get very angry sometimes at the fact that he does everything they suggest. he will literly give up his enjoyment in life for them. i put up with this over and over and i am fine until they tell him that i cannot got out to eat with them or whatever the occasion is i can't go. after awhile i blow my stack. do you guys think i would get further with him if i just acted sad or just didn't really care? please tell me the best way to handle this. the bottom line is that they are a very disfunctional family and my family is very functional and successful. thanks for your help.
View related questions:
older man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): I am just divorcing for this exact same reason. I could have written your email word for word. How we even managed to stay married for 3 years and together for 5 is beyond me. I would say get out before you get any more involved. That situation is not likely to change. Blood is thicker than water is not a 'saying' for nothing:) Spare yourself and find a nice 'older' man with children who want his happiness. The tail is not suppose to wag the dog--but just try and change that if that's already the set up. Good luck!
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 February 2008):
 His love for his children is something you cannot take away from him. His children will come first .That is a fact and you should not compete with his children. If you want him, you need to accept this fact that you are only second best.
...............................
A
female
reader, heartsick  +, writes (7 February 2008):
You deserve better.He's a grown man, and he's choosing to put other people before you (it's almost irrelevant that they're his kids - he still has a choice).Maybe he is trying to make up for past mistakes with them, maybe he is just disrespecting you and disregarding your feelings.I think you should talk to him. You've probably already told him how you feel, but how direct were you?If you are thinking of ending things, he has the right to know and have the chance to put things right. If he gives you excuses, or says he'll change and doesn't, no one would blame you for walking away. Yes, it would be painful for you - but would it be more painful than potentially spending years in second place to a couple of selfish overgrown kids, who don't even care enough about their own father to let him have his relationship in peace?
...............................
|
