A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years now. I'm 25, he's 33. Our relationship has always been great except for the one thing we have always fought about, which is my lack of trust for him. I would say our first year together, everything seemed perfect, hardly any arguments, no major fights, we just seemed to click so well. After the first year, I would catch him in little white lies such as lying about talking to female friends of his and his exes. Normally I wouldn't care about a boyfriend talking to people of the opposite sex, but he had made it very clear to me that he thought it was inappropriate if I talked to my guy friends. So I let him know that he shouldn't be a hypocrite. If he didn't want me talking to guys behind his back, then he needs to give me the same respect. I told him if he wanted to talk to his girl friends, then all he has to do is be honest with me and don't give me any reasons to not trust him. Well that didn't get through to him because every once in a while he would get suspicious messages on his phone from random girls. When I would confront him about it, he would just say that it was an old friend, coworker, etc. Whatever, I let things go and sometimes he made me feel paranoid for questioning him about who he was talking to. Even though I didn't want to be THAT nagging girlfriend, things just didn't feel right to me. I had so many gut feelings that he was up to more, but I chose to ignore it because I had known him to be a good, genuine person. He was always so affectionate with me when we were together, we had already talked about getting married, and I never really remember him cancelling any of our dates, or having any other major suspicions. About four months ago, I started feeling really uneasy. He started getting more secretive with his phone and I started seeing more flirty relationships develop over his facebook. So one day I logged into his email and his facebook account which I had never done before. I found emails he exchanged with a girl from his past about a year ago. Supposedly they had set up a date to hook up with each other but in the end he never called her to go through with it. When she asked him why he sold her out, he made up an excuse but told her that he still wanted her and still wanted to go through with it. He told her he shared a deep connection with her. He never told her that he had a girlfriend. When I confronted him about it, he admitted that he did make plans to sleep with her, but that he realized that it was wrong and didn't go through with it. What makes me sick to my stomach though, is that this girl was a stripper he used to date before we met! It just grosses me out to know that he was that interested in a stripper and was willing to throw a 3 year relationship away for one night. When I looked at his facebook, I saw several messages of him asking his girl friends out for drinks or whatever. I even found messages between him and a girl he met at a club. He was the one that contacted her and started talking and flirting with her. He says that he just wanted to be friends with these girls and that he had no intentions with them but how is that possible when he doesn't even acknowledge me or mentions that he has a girlfriend?!Anyways.. it's been about four months since I've found all this out and he promises me that he's changed and he realizes how in the wrong he was. He's changed his phone number and he's cut all ties with girls that i don't know about. He even tells me that he's already bought my engagement ring and that he's had it for a long time now. I'm trying to move on and forgive him but I'm still so angry and hurt that he deceived me this way. I know that he didn't do anything physical with anyone this time but i'm worried that he might the next time. Is it really possible that it was all innocent and he was just trying to get attention. Is this a giant red flag that i'm choosing to ignore or should I believe that he's changed?? Is it ok for people to have temptations? Should I give him props for not going through with it?
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co-worker, facebook, flirt, has a girlfriend, his ex, move on, stripper Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): The thing is ... If he's lied to you so many times, how do you know for sure that he DIDN'T go through with it?
I think this guy is bad news. Dump him. Forget about him. Move on, and find somebody who actually deserves you.
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