A
female
age
36-40,
*lpbab
writes:Recently my boyfriend and I decided to take a break after 5 years. And just the other night, while I was visiting, he dropped the biggest bomb on me. He confessed to have cheating on me with 2 different girls (that I was always suspicious of) for 3 months at the start of our relationship. I should also add in there that before that we were best friends for 3 years. He also confessed that last year (when we were having some problems) he cheated on me with one for them for around 6 months. I'm giving him another chance. I don't know if he deserves it or not. He keeps saying he is so stupid and that he's sorry. What should I do? Is it possible that he has some issues that he may need professional help with? I just couldn't stand the thought of not having him in my life (he's not a bad guy) after 8 years. What do I do now?
View related questions:
a break, best friend, cheated on me Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Skeez  +, writes (16 August 2007):
 No he does not deserve a second chance. EVER!
God this guy sounds like a right berk. He cheated on you with 2 girls. AND he lasted 9 months in total with both of them behind your back. what the hell??
wwhy are you taking such a scank back?
Yeah its tough going throuugh a break up first but its worth it. Especially with a guy like that.
Dnt let him push you around again hun.
Hes a cheater. He may well do it again.
dnt give him the second chance. find someone who loves you and only you.
A
female
reader, Butterflyfly +, writes (16 August 2007):
 a little story relevant to your question here... i have a VERY VERY VERY good male friend, the best friend in the world , we been supposrting and confessing to eachother for the last 2 years, he is a really good guy. today he told me something. he fancied this girl for over a year now,,he thinks he loves her and she fancies him but they never acted on those feelings until recently. since then, he cocked up. he had a spliff with her best mate and they kissed. today he was devastated he asked me for advice. i tolf him he gotta sit on his head for her for a while until she sees he is really sorry and serious about her, and have many many talks about their feelings, splitting the hairs in 4, really. but then he said men think with their d__k and regret it afterwords. and although he is devastated about his mistake and will try to redres it, he wont stop looking on the side, because to him sex is just sex, it's nto imortant. NOW i know for sure he does not deserve that girl,although i love him dearly as a friend . talking about values, what's important to some and what not... you will survive without him and more....
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007): I don't get it. Before you knew he cheated on you, you decide to take a break. And the moment you find out he's cheated on you, you decide to take him back???? What?? Why?? Wouldn't that make you want to consecrate the break forever!?The only thought that you shouldn't be able to stand is having him in your life at all. The only issue he has is that he is very immature and is certainly not ready for a loving and committed relationship. And if you forgive him that is going to become your issue too. NO he does not deserve a second chance.
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (15 August 2007):
 Hi
Not a bad guy????
I guess its each to their own!
No i couldnt think of a worse nightmare to be honest.
I would now be thinking i had shit hot instincts & wish i had trusted them back then, then i wouldnt of spent years with someone that has scant regard for women.
How many times can he cheat, confess 5 years later & have you say oh well, i cant imagine life without him.
Dumping him might seem like hell on earth but at least you will know you did the right thing. How can you even think its going to be any great shakes knowing he spent all those years laughing behind your back? And after you had known him 3 years previously too? I would be wondering if he chose me bacause i was soft or something.
I hope you do the best thing for your own happiness.
C xxxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, Butterflyfly +, writes (15 August 2007):
I too am suspicious of people who cheated, kept it secret for a long time, then told oyu. until recently i saw a guy who cheated on me so probably i am bitter about it.why, why lie . i'll be damned if i can figure out why not have the balls to be upfront. cheating doesnt make him a good guy. he was looking for comfort of god knows what from someone else. what hurts is that he probably could not see or didnt care that the hiding would hurt you. every situation is different, but , talkign about 'once a cheat always a cheat', this saying stands up in my view cos it's about deep values, you know for sure things that you would do, and things that you would definately would NOT do, or be up to, in your life. people who have loose boundaries with themselves are not to be trusted ...if i was in your position i would focus on those boundaries, what he is prepared to do and not do for oyu. i hope he understands how what a breach of trust it was to cheat on you. he may argue that it was so long time ago, why do YOU want to spoil it and bring it up again. but until he understands that to lie, to not be upfront, to deceive, to 'protect' oneself to the extent of hurting someone else is not on .
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007): hi i think that he is taking advantage of your good nature!! he has cheated not once but many times and i dont think that he is going to change! once a cheat always a cheat!! sorry if i have offended you!! but i think that this is what is happening to your relationship
...............................
|
