A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I love my bf to bits. We were best friends before, so I know he has a habit of falling for his friends. I still gave in and we been dating for almost 2 years. When we were friends I saw one of our friends flirting with him, and I asked him--he said he disliked it and that she was ugly and dumb and that NOTHING ever happened between them that she made it up in her head.This girl, always said they were attracted to each other in the past, and that he sent poems and emails to her. I never believed her.Recently I checked my BF's emails and in fact the emails the girl mentioned were all there.I asked him casually about it and he swore he had never sent her any emails EVER and said she was probably lying.When I checked his email again he had deleted the mails he sent to her.--- I don't care if they dated or not because that was before we started dating, but the fact that he lied to me bothers me. He even swore to me he had not written a single email to her. She seemed to sincere that I had to check his email and I found them. What would you guys think? I recently caught him lying about small stuff, like reasons for not getting me a birthday gift, or telling me he was going to give me a ring but they made it wrong so he just returned it....What would you think?...I don't think he is cheating...but catching him in those little lies concerns me. I haven't confronted him, I just ask him nicely and he just swears and swears he is telling the truth. He actually looks sincere.
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 hi
looking sincere is the sign of a VERY good liar. regardless of the the way he looks, you have caught him out and proved he is lying already (the emails were there - then they were deleted) and the ring he promised you? have you received it yet?
when someone lies even about small things or silly things it worries me, coz i feel sure they wouldn't be honest about important things. are you ever gonna believe him about anything in the future? he must have made you mistrust him; the fact that you are asking a question on dear cupid about him.
incidentally, there is body language that can (in theory) expose a liar and one of the items is that while they are lying and looking at you straight in the eye (because contrary to popular belief - this CAN be done), look at the whites of their eyes and if they look a little redder than usual (looking like he is about to cry) this is because the eyeball is a bit dryer, this is because they are not blinking enough coz they are making a conscious effort to look at you (knowing that you will see that him averting his eyes as a sign of lying!) and not break that gaze, even by blinking.
how is his behaviour when you ask him things like this? do you feel that he wants to reassure you as briefly as possible without going into a lot of detail and he will end the uncomfortable conversation as quick as possible? he does not want to carry on talking about it because that way he knows you may dig deep enough to catch him out
aside from that though, the facts speak for themselves |(emails and ring that you haven't been given - and maybe more lies that you just haven't discovered yet) he is making you into a jealous person who feels the need to spy on his emails and feels the need to interrogate him, while watching his reactions. I am sure that 2 years ago, you did not wish to be reduced to being a person like this
xx
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 If he has nothing to hide, he wouldnt have reason to lie to you, also the fact he has deleted all his emails to her shows there is something going on.
He has lied to you and by asking him if anything is going on with this girl, do you think that he is going to tell you the truth when lying to you has become so easy.
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