A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:plzzzz guys can u help me. ecpecailly guys.I’m trying to figure this guy out…A few months ago, I met the most awesome guy and we just clicked. In fact, I think we practically spent every waking moment together when we weren’t in our classes. I started to really fall for him. It just felt so natural to be in his company. We could have great conversations for hours. I just felt like we were beginning to get to know each other so well.At first, I thought he just wanted to be friends. But then he would act like he wanted to be more! We would go out to dinner and bars and he would act like he was my boyfriend or something…like he would grab my waist and hands. It was like he didn’t want any other guys to notice that I was single or something. And it kind of felt nice to feel wanted like that. So I started to think “Okay, maybe this guy really does like me!” and it was the most wonderful feeling! But anyways, we went on like this forever. I didn’t want to say anything to him about it, I just thought I’d see where things would go, because it seemed like things were just going with the flow naturally. I mean we were spending all this time together and he wasn’t seeing any other girls!! But then he started not returning my calls just out of the blue like that. Plus, he went “out of town” and never even said anything about it!! Now that was stupid-weird because we had known each other by then on such a deep level so it’s like, why wouldn’t he bother telling me about that??So it started to feel like he was pushing me out of his life. I TOTALLY DO NOT mean to make this sound dramatic, it’s just how it felt. Then, he went “out of town” again, but this time he was nice enough to at least tell me right.And like seriously, I wasn’t going to try to push him away or anything, since I didn’t want him to think I was some crazy blonde so again I didn’t say anything. But then I didn’t hear from him for days. And then he writes me this email from freakin’ Roswel, New Mexico, saying that he ran into his ex-girlfriend and that they were going to try to work things out WTH?!?! FIRST OF ALL WHY THE HELL ARE GUYS SO INSENSITIVE LIKE THAT?? I mean he acts like he always wants me to be there for him, but then he just starts ignoring me what the hell?!? THEN he sends me this STUPID Dear-Jane letter completely dismissing me like I was nothing to begin with and it really hurts to feel like I’m basically nothing to him! I mean why would he have spent all that time with me to begin with if he didn’t like me?!?! And then he just suddenly starts ignoring me after months of always talking to me. It makes me feel so used!! Why are guys SUCH insensitive guys like that and why do they just start ignoring us like that?? I seriously want to just grab him by the shoulders and shake him really hard until he tells me.And he is so stupid and dense now that I think about it. Why do guys just ignore girls like that and what the hell is his problem??
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): Yeah, I know,,,,guys can do a number on your head.
Let me try to help you the best I know how....you are very young and I was just like you at your age.....if I could have known then what I know now, my life would have turned out the way I wanted it to in the romance department, instead of not getting what I wanted except a trail of broken heats, mine. I have been in a couple or three long term relationships and I have learned a few things.
First off there is a danger in a strong connection with a man....because guess what a connection does not mean the same thing to a man that it means to us. A man can say and do things and act as if he is in love with us and enjoy spending time with us, but to him it does not mean he is in a relationship. What you say? It is the truth.
You did the right thing in not bringing up the talk with him and push him into telling you where this relationship was going, but you did a couple of things that were wrong for you.
A deep connection is meaning that you have intense feelings for the man. Intense feelings mask reality, because feelings are perceptions, not reality.
What you have to do is give yourself some time to really get to know the man and not invest all of your time and heart and energy into that one relationship. You have to really keep your wits about you and try to focus on your life and what you need and want, not his...you also for your best intersts continue to date other men, so that you don't focus too much on this one guy who hasn't told you where the relationship is going or has asked you to be his girlfriend.
When he goes out of town without telling you and he doesn't call, then when he gets back you are to be nowhere to be found for several days yourself! We teach others how to treat us and he took you for granted and knew that you would be waiting around for him as you always do....don't do that.....keep your power in a relationship by never giving a man more than he is giving you in the pursuit department. Also, sexually it never works to go to fast with a guy, if you give him sex without a commitment you come accross as easy to him and of low value....unfair I know but I really believe this is how the male brain works.....so for you to really be sure how much he likes you, you withhold sex until, until you are asked to be his exclusive girlfriend. And you may still have to date other men sometimes if he is not taking your relationship to the next level, men want what they can't have and what they have to work for. Just look at how hard they work for their toys and cars! Well, honey, you be expensive, too, you are not going to wait around on some guy....you aren't going to try and make him jealous with other men, you are just going to tell him that he can't have you all to himself while he is trying to make his mind up on you, if that is what he is putting you through.
There probably wasn't anything you could have done about the ex and him getting back together with her. He may really love her and their relationship was more solid than the two of yours, a better foundation perhaps.
But one thing is for sure you are wasting your time trying to analyze this guy and the way he did you. Because it was an emotional decision on his part and logic can not explain emotion, so you are in a futile effort here.
I know it hurts and it seems so unfair and lame, and it is....he just never stepped up to the plate for you, and you never should have given him a home run and made him think he had truly won the game, because he hadn't.
Sucks.
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