A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:okay i need advice please. im close friends with a guy at work i really like him but i really dont know how he feelsa bout me. when he started the job he was very nervous and had a ear breakdown due to his wife leaving him. anyway ive spent the last 8 months counselling him and helping him with the work exams and hes nearly on his feet. ive noticed though before he always thanked me for helping him and was always calling and asking for advice and saying how much he values me but since hes come on he hardly calls-except when he needs help. he says i mean a lot to him but yet he acts very cool when work colleagues are around. im very hurt-not least because i think the world of him. he said last week i have a special place in his heart but feel as though he doesnt appreciate or value me anymore. ive done so much for him-i would kill to have a friend like that so why has he changed-or is he still the same. does he have any feelings for me or am i just a fool please help
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (11 May 2010):
 There are probably two separate reasons for his behaviour. Firstly, since it is a workplace he probably acts 'cool' because he perceives that as the professional thing to do. Office gossip and romances in the workplace can have a terrible effect on promotional opportunities and are banned in many workplaces because of the distraction factor. Secondly you may have been an emotional crutch for him at a bad time in his life. He maybe grateful for your input at that time but he shouldn't have to feel forever grateful. It sounds as if he is more independent now and that is a sign he is getting better. However if he is not expressing romantic feelings for you (which I am guessing is what you are hoping for) then it is probably because he regards you as a work colleague and good friend, rather than anything more. Since he is relatively new out of a bad relationship breakdown he maybe cautious of getting involved with anyone right now. You also have to understand that even if he started dating you, it could go wrong but you would still have to see him at work which could be awkward.
A
female
reader, Elevatorgirl  +, writes (11 May 2010):
I think he might like you.. but he wants to act cool about it and may not be over his ex. If you ask him out that will be a way to tell. answer my question???
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A
female
reader, chicfrumdastix +, writes (11 May 2010):
 i think what happened here was just him needing a friend, and u just so happened to be the first person to offer him a friendship. He has a special place for u in his heart because u helped him get over his ex wife. but im afraid that u will only be 'that' person. :( maybe im wrong and things will change between u 2. i hope for the best.
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A
male
reader, Hassangote +, writes (11 May 2010):
 Let's be honest here then.
Ask him out for a cup of tee or maybe coffe.
If he says: I can't i have work to do. Try again after a week.
If he says no and explains why with the same reason then try again in 2 weeks. If he answers the same. Then he does not like you. GOOD LUCK DARLING!
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