A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I love my bf and we have been together on and off for the past 4 years.Recently he is spending a lot of time with me except when he says he is out of the country or business meetings at night.He says he spends time with me to prove to me that he is loyal to me.He does not want to marry me or leave with me but I spend time in his flat.Recently he came to my flat to pick up my clothes to go to his place.Next day at his flat he said that he could not find his mobile phone.when he saw my son a few days he told my son "I know you took my phone and sold it for a fiver, my son was drunk and told him that he was not even at home the day my bf was talking about, yes, my son was staying with his friends, but my bf said well you must have taken it when you returned home.I told my bf it was out of order of him to accuse my son, he replied that he was joking with my son.last weekend he bought lottery tickets and left his jacket in my flat, I asked him if we won he replied that he did not know and has left it in his pocket in my flat and then he said well, your son may have gone into my pocket and take it and claim it as his. when we returned to my flat I asked him if the ticket were still there and he checked and said yes.I did not say anything but I am deeply hurt by his comments about these things.First of all he is accusing my son of theft and by doing so he is also insulting me as a parent who has raised a thief.He does not know where he has left his phone but says he has never lost anything in his life.There are other issues with our relationship and that is why it has been on and off relationship.I wish to write him a letter and end it with him but my friend says to ignore and just end it.I feel that I need to tell him off for accusing my son and the way he has spoken to my son.This is what I would like to write to him:I am sorry we are not working, this relationship is not going anywhere, after 4 years we are arguing over the same things. I think we should call it a day, and go our separate way. you find someone you are happy with and hopefully I could do the same. specially now that you think that my son is a thief. I hope you will find your phone and be very sorry for the way you spoke to my son without proof of where you have left it before you lost it. What would your next accusation be if I am in your flat and you lose something will you accuse me of theft? By the way my son has never been to his flat, my bf has never invited my son or any of my friends to his flat.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 I would save my breath - or ink. The theft accusations may be the straw which broke the camel's back but even without that, it does not sound like this relationship was going particularly anywhere.
Also, the best , most effective time to remonstrate about some hurtful comment, is like when that comment has just being done, not weeks later. Something elegant and classy along the lines of " You call my son a thief again, and that will be the last time you wag your tongue, 'cause I am gonna rip it off you and stick it up your butt " would have appropriately conveyed your feelings. I am kidding of course :) but, up to a point. I.e. in future, if something does not sit well with you, SAY it. Don't just swallow it apparently only to keep it festering inwardly and then spit it out half-digested after a good while. In communication, timing is nearly everything.
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