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female
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anonymous
writes: The guy I'm interested in is younger than me. We've worked together for two years, but since he's four years younger than me I never really thought of him in a romantic way. We've hung out a lot since the beginning of the school year (we're both in college), and eventually the tension broke and we kissed. We talked about how we liked each other, and how it may not work, but we were both willing to give it a shot, and he asked me to be his girlfriend. Anyways the first week was awesome, we were both really happy, and everything was amazing. And then we slept together. And I told him I thought we should slow down, and after that I had to initiate any sort of intimacy. I didn't do it because I regretted sleeping with him, or it was bad, I just didn't want to screw things up. Our relationship also got complicated since we had to hide our relationship from people at work. Anyways, everything seemed to be going downhill and I wanted to discuss things with him. Then out of nowhere he told me he's not over his ex who he dumped over a year ago. She was his first serious relationship, but after a year I don't know if I'm buying it. He told me that he didn't like her, didn't want to get back with her, but he just doesn't think it's fair to me. Like he wouldn't put his heart into us because he's too afraid of getting hurt like that again. We can be pretty honest with each other so we had a discussion about getting hurt, and I told him I knew he could hurt me but I liked him enough that it was worth the risk. He told me he appreciates my trying to understand him, but now he says it's because we're different people, even though he's known me long enough. Anyways, after all of this he still flirts with me constantly, and pretty much acts the same as when we were together. I don't know what to do. I really like him. I'm just really confused. I don't want to bring it up anymore in conversation, because I think he'll just feed me other fake issues. Is there any hope for having an actual relationship here?
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female
reader, Phyrekiss +, writes (6 December 2005):
 In the beginning when you told him you felt like you needed to "slow down", this probably scared him off. And he probably felt uncomfortable doing anything with you after that. And it very well could be that he truely isnt over his ex. Whatever the real reason, ask him what he wants out of this relationship. If you both still truely want to make it work, then it will happen.
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