A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,i can't believe i am 39 and got myself into this situation.Firstly i have a 6 yr old daughter from a previous relationship.I have been dating a new guy for about 3mths and have just found out i'm pregnant.My inital feeling is to have an abortion.I have got a good job,a mortgage and basically holding my own when it comes to finances,a good balance of being a mom and working.I met this guywho is lovelyat a party and we hit it off.Since i found out yesterday i have dumped my boyfriend and got a doctors appt for tomorrow to talk about a termination.But the thought that this is probally the last chance to have another child.Also i haven't told the guy,but feel bad about not telling him.I'm confused about making the right descion.I don't want to regret this 5yrs down the line.Can anyone help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear natasia,i am sorry if my question has affected you.It was not my intention to upset anyone.You must understand that i am probally very different to you,and as i said my decsion has not come easy.You don't know about my life,and i don't asume to know anything about yours.I'm glad that it worked out for you,but it doesn't always work out for others.You are right i knew in my mind what i wanted to do but felt feedback on this site would ensure i was making the right descion.If you notice the magority of people thought it was best to not have a termination,but its still right for ME.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): Please make peace with your decision and take time to heal through the process. Yes it was a hard decision but a necessary and brave one. Termination is sometimes the only option and you know your exact circumstances. Take Care and all the best. No one thinks less of you, there are more ‘evils’ depicted on DC than what you are doing , so no judgement from me. I believe a woman has a right to choose.
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A
female
reader, superdolly +, writes (5 November 2009):
hiya i know you said you used contraception but you still knew there was a risk when you decided to have sex right and as your an older woman id have thought you'd want to take responsibility for your actions this child is your blood it wasn't forced on you i know you must know the score by now theres also all sorts of things you can do now with a child and a career i just think your a bit scared that its took you a while to build up stability for you and your daughter and even though i think you must be thinking this is whats best for the both of you well your still with child so you should be considering all 3 of you; this child didnt get a choice but you chose it's perfectly healthy and it just saddens me so many women are trying for a baby and getting nowhere and you probably have this healthy little thing inside you right now and youre getting rid because its not an ideal situation well im sorry to seem harsh but youre here for this reason exactly to birth children. that may sound very old aged and i do believe that a woman is more than a baby machine but you can't turn your back on nature.
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (5 November 2009):
 Good luck. Personally, I am so grateful that my son now has a sister. I know that when I am gone, he will have someone of shared flesh and blood, and family culture, to love and support, and to receive love and support in return. It isn't just about now - for me, it is about 20, 30, 40 years down the line, when he isn't alone. I felt I owed it to him as much as anything else not to terminate his sister. But you will do what you see fit at the moment. One thought to leave you with: the moment isn't everything. Try and think about your daughter when you are gone. Wouldn't her life be better if she had a brother or sister?
Anyhow, you know what you're doing, so there's little point in my saying what I think. Not quite sure why you came on for advice, if you'd already decided not to give the father any say (despite him apparently being a good thing). I think your fear of dependency is ruling this. I think you will regret it horribly. And so what if you're nearly 40? Good God, anyone would think you were old. I am 41 and people think I'm 28. And I feel 17. Don't be so inflexible. Have you even thought for a second that you are terminating not only your baby, but someone else's ? Why do men have no rights in this? (and yes, I promise, I am a woman!!) He might be delighted, and might support you to the hilt. Doesn't he deserve the chance to help you and his child?? Doesn't his child deserve to let Daddy fight for him or her, even if Mummy has given up?
Sorry, but I just can't bear these discussions about abortion. It is what it is. Wrong.
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (5 November 2009):
 It is a very hard decision you've had to make.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello everyone,thanks for all your advice and input.I went to my Doctors this morning,and have made an appointment to have a termination.I do feel its the right thing to do for ME.I am an aunt on this site myself so i knew that i would get a mixed response on this dilema.I know some people may be upset by my decsion and believe me it wasn't easy.This by far is the most horrible thing i will go through,so i haven't taken this descion lighty.I am not a teenager,i am a lady who is nearly 40 and i will have to live with what i have done,and i will feel guilt i'm sure, i wouldn't be human otherwise.If my cicumstances were different it would be a different matter.Its not about lifestyle or finacial commitment,for me its about stabilty of me and my daughter.Thanyou again for all your advice.x
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (5 November 2009):
I say again, you are a mother, so you know what you are doing. You know what you would be losing.
When I had a termination, it was my first child, so I didn't know what I was doing. When I subsequently had children, I was shocked again to think what my mother and father had allowed - encouraged - me to do. I didn't know what I was doing. You do.
It's your choice, yes. Whether to be responsible for the life you have created, or whether to kill it because it is inconvenient. Sorry if I sound harsh, but this isn't a game and it isn't a question of 'convenience' - it is life, and, possibly, death.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (5 November 2009):
 You know, I know a lot of women who have kept babies and are overwhelmed with joy everyday they share with them. But, I also know a lot of women who have gotten abortions and have been grateful for their decision ever since.
This decision is about YOU, and what you feel is best for YOUR life and YOUR situation. Online forums will give you a lot of stranger's opinions and maybe broaden your scope, but you are the person who matters here, and you are the one who will be living with your actions.
Once upon a time, I read a book and the main character was considering getting an abortion. She went to her source of guidance and asked for help making a decision. The person said, "close your eyes and imagine you're in the doctor's office. You are no longer with child. Do you feel a great sense of relief, or do you feel a great sense of grief?" - I thought this was really profound and a good way of looking into yourself. You don't want to do something that will cause you turmoil for years down the road... that could mean having a child or not.
Up to you, my sweet. Good luck!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): You will always feel guilty no matter what. Abort, you will feel guilty; keep, you may feel strained, resentful, angry, venting on the child. Bottom line, choose, what will harm you the least.
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (4 November 2009):
ps
and forget about the money and 'lifestyle' - of course you'll survive. and if the new guy was so nice, why can't you give that relationship a chance? i know it is an early time to get pregnant in the relationship, but it doesn't mean it can't work. i am still with my baby's father.
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (4 November 2009):
Something similar happened to me, also after 3 mths of being with (a very unsuitable) person. I was also 39. I didn't have an abortion, and my daughter (18 mths) is the absolute light of my life. I also have a son, older, from my previous marriage.
Have you ever regretted having your first daughter? That's about the only question you need to ask yourself.
I did actually have a termination when I was 21, forced into it really, and it is the biggest regret of my life. A terrible thing to have done.
If you have any doubt at all, don't do it. You will hate yourself for it, and it could seriously embitter and spoil, really, your life. Let alone thinking about the child.
You're a mother already - you know what it means.
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female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (4 November 2009):
I would begin by having a conversation with the father. I wonder why you dumped him instead of just conversing with him? Would you have broken up with him if you had not been pregnant?
Having a child and deciding to raise him or her does not mean you have to be married to or move in with the boyfriend of only three months. He may want to keep the child regardless of what happens with you and may be of financial assistance.
Once you know how he feels, your options WILL be more clear.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni wouldn't finacially able to have this child,its only because i work that i am.the thought of bringing a baby into the world and look after my 6yr old single handed is terrifrying to me.I don't want to be pressured into moving in with this guy,whom i have no idea how he would feel.I enjoy my life as it is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): Abortions are nearly always regretted. If you have the financial capability then why prevent a life. Would you ever have a child that you regretted? In 5 yrs would you think 'now i really wish that i had killed my baby before it's birth'? Of course not. This is probably your last chance for a child as you said. And it sounds like a blessing that this child has come when you can afford it so please take this opportunity to create a happy life for you and your child.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): Well, I cannot tell you what to do, but don't terminate the pregnancy unless you are absolutely certain that is what you want. I have spoken to many people who regretted getting an abortion, but I have never heard anyone who went through with having the baby say they wished that they hadn't gone though with the pregancy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni would also like to add that we did use contraception,during this time.
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