A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am currently married to a great man with whom I have three children and I also have an older daughter from my first marriage.My older daughter sees her father a lot, and as such, I often see my ex-husband when he comes to pick her up and drop her off and, I don't know why, but I'm starting to feel like I love him again. Our marriage ended quite nastily; we married young, because I'd become pregnant with our daughter, and my husband had later had an affair. Shortly after we'd separated I miscarried a baby boy, but I've never told him. I feel guilty now for A) having these feelings for him now I'm married to a different man and B) having never told him about his son. How do I approach both topics with both my ex and my current husband? Please help.
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (14 November 2012):
 I think there are some things you aren't telling us in your original question. What would be the purpose of telling either one of them that you love them? Do you think your ex would suddenly want to try again? And what would you gain from telling your current husband? I know if the woman I was married to told me she was in love with her ex, I'd send her packing 2 minutes later.
The mind can play funny games with our memories. It sounds like you've been married to your current husband for a bit now. Your marriage is probably in maintanence mode and it has gotten mundane -- perhaps even boring. Suddenly, the thought of being with someone different looks a bit more exciting. Also you probably only recall the good times, not the turbulent and troubling times.
Are you willing to risk what you have today for your fantasy? How do you think your other 2 children would feel if you suddenly jumped ship? How would your family, friends, and your husband react? What have you tried to do to make your marriage fulfilling?
These are all things you will have to deal with. Is searching out what may be a fleeting feeling worth the cost and repercussions? By thinking through your emotions you will be able to blunt their impact on you.
As far as the child you miscarried (my condolences) is that if you feel he should know, you should tell him. My guess is that you'd like to use that information to possibly gain a little sympathy from him -- so be sure your motivations and intentions are genuine. After all this time, it may not make the impact you were hoping for.
I think there is a LOT more you aren't telling us about the state of your marriage and what you are thinking. Hopefully you'll sort them out before you potentially wreck the lives of your husband, your children and most importantly, yourself.
Eddie
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (14 November 2012):
 You don't! What would be the point? You have rebuilt your life with a wonderful man. Why pollute it with the past? Your relationship was poison and ended badly. Maybe what you're really feeling is a lack of closure. Why on earth would you long to be with a man who cheated on you? I feel bad that you had a miscarriage. But it obviously happened quite a long time ago, so it would be silly to bring it up now. If you want to tell your husband that you're feeling sad for losing a son, that's fine. Just don't make it out to be the "I miss my ex" that it sounds like you're really feeling. He will be wounded beyond belief. Furthermore, your ex is likely not care about the miscarriage either and it will seem like a manipulative tactic to win him back. Again I would not know why you'd even entertain these thoughts and jeopardize the happy life, the happy marriage you have. That would be truly foolish. Get a hobby and move on.
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A
female
reader, dineshabell123 +, writes (14 November 2012):
no you need to tell your ex and you be friends with your ex you married that man 4 a reason
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