A
female
age
30-35,
*damantine
writes:Hi there.. I was considering remaining anonymous to ask for advice but maybe it will help if others know that I am struggling also.The problem I face is not wanting to let people get emotionally close to me. I don't know if this is a question or not but I will try my best to explain...I just recently came out of a long distance relationship which has left me somewhat unstable. We started it this time last year and were unable to see each other very often due to lack of income. I was frantically looking for a job for the first few months, and I finally found one, but I knew that working full-time would leave me little time to talk to/communicate with my partner.My intention was to save up enough money in a few months so I could move to be with him.After working for 2 months and not speaking much to him, my partner told me that he had started dating someone else. I was upset, obviously, because I basically saw my entire future crash before my eyes.I loved him so much, and now I feel like the entire relationship was based on a foundation of lies. I feel like he didn't care as much as he said he did and it was all just talk.I feel like I'm still trying to hold on to the small fragments that are left (things like him telling me he didn't think it was going to work out with this new girl, so I shouldn't worry). I got a job for the sole purpose and goal of moving to be with him. There were other things I wanted to do, like study for my diploma in music, but I chose to work instead and I feel like an idiot for having wasted my time.I'm scared now to let anyone get close like I did him, and even though I am a generally happy and optimistic person, I shield myself from people who try to get close and act really blase about it.I know its not healthy and I should be open but I don't know what else to do. I feel nostalgic about what has happened and I don't know how to let go, and I feel like until I do let go, I can't let people in.Any advice you have for me is greatly appreciated, as I am somewhat confused as to where to go from here. Thank you.
View related questions:
long distance, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, blindbetty  +, writes (24 October 2010):
 We have a lot in common.
I feel just like you do....after my divorce of a ten year marriage. I wasted 10 years of my life with someone whom I thought loved me only to find out he betrayed me by cheating every chance he got. Only when it was all over did I see the painful reality that I was giving 80% and he was giving only 20%.
Now I am slowly rebuilding my life alone and do not want to give anyone the chance to hurt me all over again...I don't want to be pushed down the steps of this ladder I am climbing. I have gone back to school and taking care of myself only...but at times I long for closeness and human affection. I wonder if there are any decent men in this world.
|
