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female
,
*arlinginmontreal
writes: Peter and I met 10 years ago. We had a strong connection but never dated. We lost contact for 10 years. Two years ago we met and fell in love. We are passionate and enjoy each others company. Here is the problem: We cannot be together because He is in loveless marriage and must stay (I agree) because of two little children. He has lied to me on numerous occaisions, BIG lies, for example, he called me Mary by accident, when I asked who Mary was he replied, "I have no idea, I don't know anyone by that name". I later found out his wife's name is Mary. Another lie was, he always called me Darling, and always told me how he never in his life used this word but it just fit perfectly for me...I later found out that he had a cybersex partner for the previous 4 years that he always called Darling. Please, I am a fairly intelligent woman in my forties, but I love him and care for him so so much...I need help please tell me what you think.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (22 December 2006):
 She doesn't understand me like you do...
She and I are only staying together for the children...
I love you and If I could, I would marry you...
We never have sex...ever. She doesn't want to....poor me.
Darling you know your special to me....(I use darling because then i am less likely to say my wife's name)
I honestly feel more married to you...in my heart.
Guys say these things because WORDS are easy...and they get you in the sack. How long the lines work is up to you. Don't think for a second he's not boinking the old crab too....And if she finds out.
His next line will be...
Mary Darling....I don't know why it happened....SHE (meaning you) Meant Nothing to me........Please forgive me....I know i have done wrong....
You are in a no win situation unless you want casual no strings sex on the sly. (and a few fluffy words from time to time) He may love you a little.....but what does that get you? Christmas surrounded by his love? It gets you a little sex on the sly when its easy for him. Don't mistake that for something you should be waiting around for....because even if you got him....then you get exactly what you see....a person who is not wired to be faithful.
If that is what you want...your on the right path. If not....YOU KNOW what you must do.
Its up to you if you want to pull the tooth slowly....or just yank it out and be done. It will hurt....but you will get over it....whatever you decide.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2006): Who says the marriage is LOVELESS, he has lied about everything else. Get out now, with your pride and dignity still intact. How do you think his wife and little kids would feel if they knew about you?? Just tell him to get lost, he is a liar and they never change.
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (7 December 2006):
 Instead of being a "fairly intelligent woman" why not try being a REALLY intelligent woman and dump this lying slug. Then straighten up your own priorities and determine never to settle for being second best again. And by the way, they are always "loveless marriages". Get going and good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2006): I think you're wasting your time and risking a great deal of hurt and pain with this man. Plus, you are helping him cheat on his wife and children - so you are also guilty.
He has lied to you - YES, these ARE big lies! and clearly he does not intend to leave his wife.
Think about this instead of "loving" him. You will do much better to find a man who is free to be with you, and who you can form a real relationship with, with a clean conscience.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (7 December 2006):
Do you think you're a martyre for staying with him ? And really, you don't give a flip about the kids. If you did, you wouldn't break up the family. Who on earth are you to say he's in a loveless marriage? You didn't even know his wife's name was Mary but you're confident you have all the facts about his marriage. He lies and you both do something that is moraly wrong. This situation says something about the integrity of both of you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2006):
I think from your dates you must have known him for 12 years, not 10.
Those were not big lie, but they were clear cut. He was lying only to save your feelings. A Big Lie is if he was deceiving you to harm you- like if he told you to go pawn some his stuff and he knew it was really stolen. Then he would be intentionally endangering you with lies.
Anyway, I think you can determine about what this man has to offer you. Its up to you to decide if thats acceptable and to accept all the broken appointments and potential drama that go with dating a married man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2006): Oh honey, you are in danger of total devastation with this one! You are involved with a man who is cheating on his wife (children, or no children) and seems to enjoy "juggling" other women on the side, including you. You've caught him in several big lies. That should tell you something about his character. I don't think he's so much staying in his loveless marriage out of duty, but because it's his safety net. I think he likes "variety" and the comforts of home. In other words - he wants to have his cake and eat it too. You would be better off, slowly extracting yourself from this relationship. Perhaps if you start spending time with your friends you'll meet someone who's single, and willing to date you without the lies....Trust is a HUGE thing in a relationship and clearly he's not trustworthy!!
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