A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i am 17 and my dads friend (who is 42) has told me he has had feelings for me for a long time, we have kissed on a few occasions and have been away on a weekend together where we had sex which i really enjoyed. I really like him, but i think my parents would be very annoyed with me if they new we were together, therefore we are keeping this a secret and meet, but always have to book into a hotel as we have nowhere else to go. He has left his wife, they have no children. How should i tell my parents or should i stay quite as i have strong feelings for him and he told me he love me. thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (12 April 2008):
 If you are very serious with him , you should inform your
parents as they are wiser and can see through him whether he
is the right one or he is taking advantage of you.
Sooner or later , it will be exposed.
You are too young and ignorant of the ways of the societies.
You still have a lot to learn about life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): You dad's friend has begun a sexual relationship with you and you are wondering if you should tell your parents. You also state this older man has told you he loves you. A man who 'loves you' would be willing to be mature, strong and 'face up to and bite the bullet' by coming forward and supporting you, while you do the incredibly tough job of telling your parents. He would want to be at your side and he would never, ever want the female he 'loves' to be at odds with her family over this. Why..because at his age he would understand how important family support and the deep bond is, for her. He would be encouraging her. Is he doing this? If he isn't, you have to question his 'true motivation' for having this affair with you, then. He is your Dad's friend and I imagine their friendship is based on honesty and trustworthiness. If he values your Dad as a friend, why can't he talk to your Dad, openly about what's going on and where he and you want to go with this relationship, instead of 'skulking about in secrecy' with you. Speaking up would be more mature on his part, don't you think.
Your parents love you and they need your respect and the very least that Dad's friend (your bf) can do is be an honorable friend to your father and respect your Dad. Will he do this? The reason parents worry about their daughters is that they care about them. They want their girls to be physically safe and not to have their hearts broken. Most parents are concerned that too early a marriage to an older man, may bring an end to the daughter's carefree, career-building years. Parents also fear being cut off from their daughters should this older guy, put you in a position to choose your family or him. They will want to know. Ask your bf to go with you and sit down and talk to your parents together. Let him prove to you and your parents he is open, honest and reliable and is not just after sex, with you. Let him prove his undying 'love for you'. Because as it sits right now, you are both being decietful and acting in an underhanded way. Frankly, I can understand why an adolescent would do this, but for the life of me, I can't understand why a 42 year old man, who claims his love for you, would do this??
One thing I need to also say. You are 17, and I know from my own life experience and raising adolescents myself, that it's 99% likely, that relationships begun in teen years, do not survive. So you and this man need to decide what you both want to get out of this relationship? He says he loves you...so what sort of a future do you see together? Short term or long term? He is a lot older and he's lived his life..so hopefully he'll want you to educate yourself, have a career and gain life experience at your own pace. I hope he respects that. My suggestion is and if he's sincere and genuine in his feelings of love for you is he'll want to put this relationship on an open footing by agreeing that the two of you 'need' to talk to your Mom and Dad. That is the decent, best thing to do. And this could be a way of you seeing what his true motivation is. If he wants to keep this a secret, then you will know why he's dating you and it has nothing to do with 'love, dear. Men who love a female will want her to retain happiness, at all costs.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, O Connor +, writes (11 April 2008):
 well you do have to realise that this man is a little on the morally wrong side for having sexual feelings for a child - and yes, in his eyes, and others the same age - you are a child still. you have to be prepared for the fact that if you did tell your parents, this could mean the end for you two. of course they are going to be disappointed and frankly freaked out - esp cos this guy is your dads 'friend'. you need to figure out whether or not you really do love this guy becuase once you tell your parents, that it no going back and the hard work will begin. personally i think that for the meantime you should try and find someone else your own age and enjoy being young while you still have the chance. if in a few yrs you still feel the same about this man, then give it a shot, but right now i just think your too young. either way, going behind your parents back is no way to make them see you as a mature adult, who is responsible and trustworthy. hope this helps hun email me if you want to talk xxx
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (11 April 2008):
 I think you are going to be very sorry you continue going down this path. He isn't quite right in the head. I'd tell my parents about what's going on if I were you. And by the way, this guy is NOT your father's friend.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (11 April 2008):
 Honey, He does have children, he has you.
If you knew that this wasn't wrong you would have told your parents already. Although you are 17 (not sure about the law in you country) this is morally wrong as there is a 25 year age gap, and you are only just an adult.
Personaly I think that the age gap is far to much, by the time you are 30 (still young) he will be 55 years old. Have you really thought this through. I think he should have been more responsible and left you alone to meet a guy nearer your age.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): This man is taking advantage of you because you are young. This isn't fair and yes your parents would be annoyed about this.
Try and find someone your own age you could proudly take home to meet your parents.
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A
female
reader, indie girl +, writes (11 April 2008):
I'd advise you to stay quiet until you're 18. I know sex is legal at 16 but i think your parents might get the wrong idea about this. I think they might see himn as being "dirty". No offence but he's alot older than you and it's slightly suspicious. I think you should seriously think about telling them, but only if you love him.
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