A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have a Polish friend who I have known for 9 months.We agreed from day one that we would only be friends and nothing else as she was married.Her husband and her invited me to go to stay at their house in Poland for 2 weeks in April. She has always confided in me and looked on me as her best friend.About 4 weeks ago she was at my house and asked could she borrow some dvds saying she would return one in 2 days time.When she brought me the dvds to my workplace I met her outside and bumped into her husband.She was very offhand with me couldnt get away quick enough and her husband was whispering things in her ear.I was so annoyed I rang her the next day and told her I did not want to be her friend anymore to which she was shocked.She then said she would bring me the dvds to me outside my workplace the next day. I did feel after I had spoken to her I was wrong to be angry with her. She arrived the next day with the dvds and her husband was with her. I apologised to her she forgave me and said I must of been drunk.She also told me she was very tired as she had two jobs in England and that her and her husband had been fighting in the street.I then told her that I was going into my home city the next day to buy my brother his birthday present and she said she would meet me on the bus.With one of her jobs she passed the bus stop where I lived and she got the same bus everyday.The next day came but she was not on the bus so I rang her to see where she was because I was worried about her and also by mistake I sent her a blank text.I was annoyed she had not contacted me and the following day I sent her a text saying I would not becoming to Poland with her and would be going with two other girls.The following day I bumped into her and she was very annoyed saying she did not trust me anymore that I had a problem and she didnt want to be my friend.She also said that she did not trust English people and that I should not trust Polish people.Finally she said she would still say hi to me if she met me in the street.A few weeks before this I had been helping her husband look for jobs but it was a problem as he spoke no English. At this time I had a word with my next door neighbour who said he would see if he could get him a job. About a week after the girl had confronted me my next door neighbour asked me was this chap still interested in the job. I therefore rang her on her mobile not expecting her to answer the phone but she did.I told her this job might be still available to which she thanked me and asked how I had enjoyed London which I had visited the previous weekend.Since that date there has been no communication between us.Next week I have an appointment in my home city it will mean I will have to get the same bus as her. I am really nervous what her reaction will be .Do I say hello to her apologise and sit next to her on the bus or just say hi and sit somewhere else. We have always got on great and confided in one another as friends.Could you please give me advice on what to do. Thank you and sorry for the long post. A
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (28 March 2007):
 Golly gosh mate, the level of maturity you handle yourself with her is almost childlike! Sorry to say but you get pissed off about the slightest things she does, and then you go about telling her how you dont want to be her friend anymore??! Shes not any different either in my opinion! You can't keep breaking off the friendship and then being ok the next day with someone, its just not the same as a dating relationship! But whats more important is that you need to start acting your age, because from reading your post, I certainly didnt think you're in your forties!!!
Right, reality is, you certainly fancy this Polish lady and it ticks you off that she might not be feeling the same about you. I mean cmon, you even get all nervous thinking of what to say to her. But sorry to rain on your parade, bearing in mind she has a husband, so it will be no good even thinking about a relationship with her! You will notice that once you stop having feelings for her, you will start to act normally around her, and believe you me, thinking of what to say to her in the bus wouldnt even spring to mind!!!
But to answer your question, your best bet is to just be yourself around her. No need for apologies (I dont even understand where it went so wrong that you needed to feel this guilty about it all), no need for anymore dramas, and certainly no need for anymore confusions. Just talk to her as you would a mate, simple as that and try not to complicate things!
A
female
reader, star1 +, writes (28 March 2007):
Hi anonymous,You seem to have issues in your relationship as friends,you guys need to talk things through but before that ask yourself and search your soul about your feelings for her.Is it genuine friendship or maybe you are developing some other feelings for her?.
Just be honest with yourself because what is making you angry is petty issues,like 'missing her presence in a bus?'.
You need to sort out yourself or loose her as a friend.
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