A
male
age
41-50,
*abethebabe
writes:I know we hear about it on the news or from friends at a get together but why do men after we have blown many opportunities with the a wife/GF, why do we obsess with her. After a divorce or break-up and especially after finding out that that have a new boyfriend, why do we still keep thinking about her, especially if we ourselves have not found another woman. Here is my story.....Just got thrown to the curb two months ago. Our relationship was a rough one, mainly my fault. I had a bad temper and would lose time to time, never physical but lots of yelling. Needless to say she got tired, I wore her love for me to a thread and she kicked me out. The funny thing is that she always used to tell me that she would never find another man after me if we were to one day break-up. That she would concentrate on her 2 kids, her business, and men would not be a priority in her life, well guess what? Only after 6 weeks after our split-up she wrote an email stating she has a found a new man in her life. That I was the devil and that she will do anything for him. I took a long slow breath took the pain. It hit me like a tidal wave. Granted it has been 4 days since I received the news but I cannot help but think of me EX seeing him, kissing, having sex with him, it kills me. I pray to have this blocked out, or to find another women so it wont be as bad, but it stings a lot. I know I deserve this because I was the A-hole but it still hurts. Any testimonies. I know the relationship I have I will control my bad temper at least that way we can dialogue with my future girlfriend/wife.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): you seem upset perhaps because you expected YOURSELF to move on before her and basically to even show her.
relationships are strange and very complex. what is good is that you acknowlege your faults and you perhaps can work on your next relationship and not make the same mistakes.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (27 September 2009):
 I guess it's called 'sour grapes' or another cliche 'You never know a good thing until it's gone'
I am sorry for your predicament but seems you know what you did and why it all went wrong. Your ex is an individual in her own right and is entitled to form a relationship with someone new, as do you. She's left a void in your life and thats probably the reason why your obsessing but before you go heltering into a new relationship maybe get yourself some anger management. That way you won't make the same mistake again and will have more chance of establishing a better union in the future.
Best of luck
Aunty Em xxx
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