A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Have any of you ever felt like you are MEANT to be with someone? I'm not a romantic person at all, and i've never believed in soul mates or things like that, but there is this one guy in my life who keeps popping up and each time he does I just feel more and more attached. It's a very long story, as it's been going on so long, but we met in the first week of uni and hit it off straight away. After a few weeks of this (in which we did sleep with each other) there was a huge drama and things between us got quite awkward due to friendship circles so we left each other alone. Towards the end of term though, we got closer and closer, and although we were both... timid almost? Of making the first step, I felt that it might be headed that way if we kept this up. The holidays came at an unfortunate time however, and so we didn't see or talk to each other for a while, and just before we came back I discovered he'd got a girlfriend whilst we'd been away. Now I was upset for a short while, but overall I just accepted it, no bother. When we got back to uni I acted normal and we got on well, as we always had and I was so pleased we could put the past behind us and just get on with things! However, not long after I bumped into him at a club and we ended up talking and hanging out. He then asked if i'd heard about his girlfriend and apologised. I shook it off and we had a fun night. Then he wanted to walk me home and ended up coming in. We chatted a lot and although technically nothing happened we were quite cuddled up (his doing not mine)and I was thinking 'oh this isn't fair' the whole time. But it reassured me that I wasn't crazy, and that he DID have some sort of feelings for me, just not as strong as those for his gf. Anyway we fell asleep together and in the morning he just sat up, wouldnt look at me and mumbled 'I should go' and walked out.After that we both started ignoring each other, which was probably for the best. I rarely saw him and if I did we'd either ignore or occasionally say hi and carry on walking. The rest of the term past, and I carried on with my life. I'd met a new guy who's lovely, and had pretty much made up my mind to give things a go with him after my holiday. The first guy and I were going on a uni ski trip. For the first day it was the same awkward 'hi's' but then suddenly we started talking and it was like we'd never been apart. We ended up spending practically the whole holiday together, and by that I mean just us 2, alone. We had such a great time dancing in clubs, and we went for random walks in the middle of the nights and talked about all sorts. He admitted he'd ignored me and apologised, and we chatted. Not once did he mention his gf. Although again nothing happened (and i'd never let it, im strongly against cheating), there was definatly a vibe between us and he was always picking me up, holding my hand and things. I realised how much i'd missed him, although it sounds insane I feel like we're quite strongly compatible. I cant really judge, but he chose to hang out with just me over his lad friends. It wasn't until I was sat on the way home that felt upset that maybe it was just a holiday thing and things would change as soon as we got back. So far it's been ok though, we've exchanged a few messages and it's been friendly. However now i'm contemplating if what I did was right. It's good we're talking but it's also a lot harder. It was simpler just to forget about each other. Also this second guy who I did like, now has just paled in comparison, and i'd feel wrong starting something with him when i've now rediscovered such strong feelings for the first one (previously i'd thought I was completly over him). But I don't want to sit around waiting, I know he loves his gf. I'm in a muddle, please let me know what you think I should do! I'll respond to any questions :) thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2012): Honestly it seems like he is filled with guilt after he spends time with especially if you sleep together (literally sleep) and he just leaves. That seems like a flag sweetie that he doesnt want to stick around. And although you may really like him clearly the feeling isn't mutual. I can't say for sure becaus ei haven't met either of you! So you should ask him how he feels about you and if he doesn't feel the same way you do you have to move on and get over him. I was in a similiar situation I poured my heart out to this guy and I thought that he felt the same. We had amazing chemistry, we could talk for hours and we would spend time together (not a lot but enough ttha the attraction was always there and grwoing) and then one day BAM! I am suddenly an annoying girl he was just never sure how to get rid of. I didn't understand it and I was hurt. SO please just ask him how he feels and follwo your heart. It will never steer you wrong. :)
A
female
reader, answerfromtheheart  +, writes (8 April 2012):
 It's wonderful that you are experiencing such feelings, but for the time being you do have to put them away and continue being busy with your life and things that you must do.
If the 1st guy truly feels the same for you, you need to give him time to sort things out with his own life (ending the relationship with the other girl, giving him time to heal and get over it - you don't want to be a rebound)then begin to court you again.
It's ok for you to date other guys, even if you don't feel anything with them like you feel for the 1st guy. The 1st guy didn't promise you anything and didn't give you any hope that there might be a future between you too. It's only your feelings, so you must wait until he shows maturity and goes after you the right way.
Until then, be busy, date, have fun, do social activities that will bring purpose into your life and keep your mind occupied with other thoughts.
And see what happens.
If he does feel something for you, you want him to be available and free before he starts seeing you. And that means some time has to pass.
Just because it feels to you that he has feelings for you, as you said "not as strong as for his girlfriend" you want to make sure that he has stronger feelings for you than for any other girl, other wise what's the point in liking a boy who doesn't like you back? That's not a great place to be in.
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