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male
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anonymous
writes: I am in a dreadful state. 6 years ago I fell in love with a younger woman (14 years) and my marriage of 13 years nearly broke up. However, the affair ended and I returned home to make a go of it, with my wife and 2 kids (then 8 and 6). However, we haven't made love since then and we have frequent arguments. Though we are somehow still strong friends and committed to our kids, there is great underklying stress and uncertainty. In the last 4 years I have been made redundant twice form high-paying jobs, no doubt because I didn't have my head and heart in it, distractions, etc. We have the kids at private school and financially we are on the edge.Now for the big issue. I developed anotyer relationship with an Asian woman whom I met on my business travels and this has resulted in a baby who is now 5 monts old. I love them very much and feel I could be happy with them. However, I can hardly think of the pain, hardship and divisions that will result if I come clean...my kids here and my wife would crack up. On the other hand, the prospects are messy to say the least if I try to fudge it.I am at a loss and really don't feel I can face it all
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2007): Dude, I think you are staying in your marriage for the wrong reasons. The fact that you have no intimacy with your wife is a huge red flag and the frequent arguments as well. I would get counseling to see if it is salvagable and if not bite the bullet and face the pain once and for all and move on to your new lady and make a new life with her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2006): I am going through something right now in my marriage and let me tell you, you are going to destroy your children and your wife. You need to get help as a family and she needs to know about this other woman. If you cannot control that thing maybe you should get it taken off. What ashame, don't you men think about anyone besides yourselves.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2006): You won't like my answer but you are gonna have to face it, hun. There is no way around this...you must tell your wife so she move on with her own life. In all probability, you will hurt her. Emotions by definition and nature do get hurt. That is why we need to treat our own emotions and the emotions of others tenderly and with respect. You had a commitment to each other and a marriage which should've superseded all other desires and needs. You have chosen to break this 'committment' to your wife, twice. Pain is the consequence of your actions. She can’t get you to come back or be a part of her and your children's life. You've made a choice and this, sadly, is the choice you made that reflect your character (or lack of it) and moral center. She already sacrificed her integrity and self respect once, already, in spite of your poor behaviour with your first affair. I don’t exactly know why your wife thought your 'cheating' behavior would change after reconciliation. Generally people are their best before the marriage and their less attractive points emerge after the vows. People don’t stop what they 'always do' just because they are married. I do feel empathy for your asian gf and the baby. It will be a matter of time and you could be doing the same thing to her. I suggest before you begin a life with this other woman-go see a counselor to find out why you have problems. I just hate to see another woman and her child(ren) become devastated by your "infidelity" behaviours.
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