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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hello,I have a problem. My husband has friend who is a married female. They call each other several times a day and when I was away at a conference they talked often and evenmet to discuss the fact that I did not like thir friendship. He told me they both felt bad that they had to lose a piece of themselves if they had to give up their friendship. After discussing this with my husband, I told him he had to choose either his friend or me. He said he would not give up his friend, that he liked her. When I told him that I would have to leave then he said she would not be in my life, he would not talk about her. Then he said he was going to change the phone bill to remove detailed billing so I couldn't see when he called her, or he said he would have her call him, and it would not show on the bill. I have told him , that this is unacceptable. He says I pushed him to this friend, as I whave been jealous of it for many months. I am jealous of any woman who spends so much time talking to my husband. She said her husband had problems with it a first. However, even my husband admits that she just doesn't tell him everything like he does wiht me. He says if he doesn't talk about it I won't know and won't get made. He says if he has to give up her friendship for me he will do it, but will not like it and will be unhappy. This is hurting me so much and he knows it, but he says I cannot make him give up a friend. What would you do. How can I make him see that this is just not what one does in a marriage? I am so hurt I can hardly function. I love my husband have spent five years doing everything I could to make this marriage work. We have always been very close until he met this woman. Please, help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wish to thank you all for your kind words and help. I knew in my heart that he was cheating on me, and now the truth has come out FINALLY. He did cheat on me. Please, anyone reading this with the same problem - BLOW UP the lies and scam they are playing on you IMMEDIATLEY. Call their bluff and call the other person's spouse (even the mention of it- caused the truth to come out. My husband lied, cheated and hurt me to the very core. I don't want anyone to ever have to feel this way, so STOP IT. IF YOU think it is happening YOU are most likely correct.
Now, I have to try to continue to live on. The pain is so horrible I can't go into all the ugly details, but let me tall you the PAIN is unbearable.
A
female
reader, sweet_angel +, writes (15 January 2006):
I'm kinda going through the same thing. My husband has met women in little stores and decides to date them.He doesn't care if they are married he tells people he is divorced and when i question him he denies it. My husband doesn't care who's marriage/relationship he messes up just as long as he is getting what he wants.He keeps leaving me to get on a computer just to meet people. He has talked to me on the pc 3 times and still doesn't know it was me he was talking to.He doesn't care how much he has hurt me by doing these things. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel all so alone.
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A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (14 January 2006):
 I find it quite bizarre that your husband is going around like a love sick puppy.He is saying that they are just friends but im afraid i dont believe it.Why do they feel the need to call each other on the phone every day? And all this dagger and cloak stuff about changing the phone bill so that you cant see how many times they have rung each other......im afraid thats more then just being friends.You will have to put your foot down and tell your husband that you are not happy and if he wants to be with her then tell him to get out! I know that sounds harsh but basically they are rubbing your nose in it, and taking you for a fool.Ask him whether he would like you to be very close friends with a man,i bet he wouldnt! If your husband truely loves you then he would put you 1st otherwise he has his loyalty elsewhere and im afraid thats not acceptable.
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A
female
reader, cassie5591 +, writes (14 January 2006):
I think it is not fair nor should it go on. every counseler in the world would tell you that if he's giving intimate details of his life to someone other then their spouse, it's an emotional connection, that should only be shared with spouse. Calling on the phone several times a day sounds like more then friendship. How many times a day does your spouse call you?Then you have the issue of her lying to her own spouse, now setting your hubby up to do the same thing. Nothing, I mean nothing, is tolerable when done in secrecy. If they hide the fact that they talk on the phone, what other little things have been left unsaid?I think you have a right to be angry and I would put my foot down, immediately. Its a deal breaker.Five years is too long to be banging your head over someone who hust tut tuts your feelings. you should always come first to a spouse.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (14 January 2006):
 Ok. Is there a nagging doubt in your mind as to whether this is more than friendship? Or are you scared it will become more than friendship? If the answer to either of these questions is yes then you have to recognise and ackowledge that fact and deal with it thus.
I wonder if maybe you should spend some time getting to know her independantly. Maybe even suggest that you do something as a foursome, cinema, a meal something like that where everybody can get to know everybody. If you are afraid then i think in this instance the best route would be to face your fear.
I think it is better that you know when they are talking rather than forcing your husband into a postion where he has to sneak around to talk to her. This will create a quasi-affair where there appears to be none. At least your husband has been open with you about things thus far and that suggests to me he has nothing to hide. Take comfort from that and face your fear head on.
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