A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a married guy. He has 3 kids and he and his wife have been together for 9 years, married for 3. i asked him when i met him if he was married, as i had a feeling he wasn't telling me something. to this he answered no, this was a week after meeting him, but a week after that i got it out of him. we have only known eachother for about 7 weeks. when he first told me he was married i said there was no way i could do it, but he told me he was separated (but they still lived together but he slept "on the couch"). i told him about one hundred times that i didnt think it was right, with him promising that i am the only person he has a physical or emotional relationship with. i moved into my own place a week ago and thought that he'd spend lots of nights with me. he comes over for some action and then leaves, leaving me to sleep alone. i said to him i can't do that kind of relationship and dumped him with me coming back with all the "i love yous" and "i miss yous" so dumbly i took him back only to have him do it to me again last night. I've spent the last week drowning my sorrows at my bad situation with booze, and know this is self destructive behaviour and that its bad. i know he's not worth it.. but how do i move on? why did he do what he did knowing full well how much it would hurt me? i'm fighting the urge to message him, cos i know i can't go through this again. i found his wife on facebook and i want to have revenge by telling her but i think i should just forget it and move on.. how do i forget about him?
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (17 October 2008):
 Unfortunately you were sucked in by this charmer. Your gut instinct right from the start told you it was wrong to get involved with him yet your heart ruled your head and you went ahead. You know this is never going to go anywhere and that you don't have a future with this man so leave it at that and be glad you woke up when you did. His loyalties will always be to his wife and kids and you will NEVER be number one in his life... only his bit on the side, the other woman! Yep, hard to take but you realise that yourself now don't you?
Okay so you tell his wife... what would that achieve? Would it make you feel better knowing that you have just broken up a marriage and caused 3 children to go through the pain of listening to their parents screaming at one another? Would that make you feel better? Of course it wouldn't and it certainly wouldn't bring him back to you. Nah, leave well alone, he'll only move on to his next victim and his wife will go through her own turmoil soon enough. You should feel sorry for his wife and kids and think how lucky you are that you seen him for what he really is!
You're young, you're beautiful, you're single and you're available! You have no responsibilities and you're free as a bird to do what you want when you want to go out there and enjoy life! LIVE IT and forget this loser because that's exactly what he is...
~Eve~
A
female
reader, highhopes  +, writes (23 July 2008):
Look your writing in on the internet....I get how upset you are. I am there well sorda. Let him GO! Step back and look at the situation. Dont tell his wife. Wont benefit you at all wont make you feel better. You dont really want this your self esteem has taken a blow or chances are you wouldnt be where you are now. Your worth ALL a mans love and respect. He wants sex....you are not his wife it is different and exciting for him. it is NOT love he will make you feel that way he will make you feel bad for turning him down....YOU will feel better when you start to understand whats really going on girl. Plenty of fish in the sea get one that is devoted YOU!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks so much for your answers and so quickly! i just got home from going out with a few friends for a couple of hours.. i'm trying to be strong and not message him and it's soo hard.i just wish people could be honest. but i'm not one to talk i'm now lying to my mum and even to some of my friends to cover up and for what? i believe there'll be light at the end of the tunnell.. i just hope it's a short tunnell!
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): if you're anonymous, so will i be!
just want to say a few things:
1) please don't tell his wife.
2) he probably really does have strong emotions for you.
3) get as far away from him as possible. you were wrong to get into a relationship with a married man, regardless of where he sleeps in the house that he and his wife own.
i was never in a situation where a woman doesn't know i'm married. it's one of the first things i bring up if i meet a new woman. i've never cheated (physically) on my wife either.
i can empathize with you, though, because i have been just upset and totally obsessed over another woman, who was a really good friend to me. it always seemed that there was something more - and there were circumstances, where she might be too embarrassed to call me again - and i deleted her number from my phone, so that's that.
so, maybe i can say something to you that might make you feel better or at least understand the situation:
"i'm so sorry. you know, i really really like you so much, but i'm selfish and i was looking out for myself and i should've been looking out for you. this relationship is as deep as it's ever going to get for me. it's fit for me, but it's not fit for you, but i can't stop myself - i'm selfish, so please don't ever call me again."
i don't know. i really feel so bad for you. please don't call him back. you might even be able to ask your phone provider to block calls/messages from him. on top of that, if he knows where you live, you should tell him that if he ever stops by, you're telling his wife. (like, right before you stop his calls you should do that to make sure he doesn't contact you.)
it's going to be very hard for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): DONT!!! This will not bring him back it would make him hate you-youd split his marriage up and his kids would turn against him. You knew what you were doing when you went out with him. I tooo have seen married man in the past but getting spiteful does no one any good.
Move on and this time find someone who is single.
DO not tell his wife you will regret it for the rest of your life if you do. My husband left me for another woman and it was very painful dont put anyone in that situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): Oh my gosh - your situation is almost identical to the one I was in about 2 motnhs ago. Almost exact same scenario and I know completely what you are going through because i went through it too. When I finally wised up to the fact I was being used for sex - because sweetheart, if you haven't realised it yet - that's what he's doing... anwyays, when I finally realised that, I was fuming at him. I wanted revenge too. I wanted to find his wife, tell her, find all his close family friends - tell them too! I wanted revenge and for a whole week I let the desire to get revenge completely consume me. But at the end of that week, I realised "you know what? I can't be bothered." And that was exactly how I felt - I couldnt be bothered wasting any more of my time doing anything to him or doing anything even to do with him. So I just started ignoring him. He asked me out to dinner 4 nights in a row and I just kept sayining no and that I was busy. It was hard because deep down I still liked him - it's hard to just let go of liking someone, but I also knew I had to be strong and just keep away from him. And I think that's what you should do too. I know its hard and you are probably upset, angry and wanting revenge, but trust me - the best way to get over this is just to go out with some girlfriends and have a really good time. You WILL get over him and you WILL meet someone else. I've just started seeing a new guy about 2 weeks ago and guess what? He's not married! And it's fab! So don't worry hunni - just be strong, ignore him, get over him and you wil lbe fine. Take it as a lesson learnt and move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): well u have good reason 2 be mad and wanting revenge but tell him that if he truely loves his family he will come clean about it 2 his wife. if he says he loves them but wont tell her then i think she should know
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