A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I was just wondering whether, after initially rejecting a guy's advances, a woman has then gone on to see him in a 'new light' and then decided to eventually take him up on his offer. So basically my question is, if a man asks a woman out and is then rejected, if he then just gets on with his life, pursues his interests and clearly does not demonstrate any 'needy' behaviour as such, is this the best way of eventually attracting that lady i.e. is this the best way to - through stealth? - change her mind? I'm not talking about a guy being rejected and then saying "Can we be friends?". I'm talking about a guy who has been rejected, who then went on to tell the woman how he felt about her, and then just went on with his life. The man and the woman in question see each other in the office every day. They are on talking terms - but now only in a business context. But this does not mean that there is any bad blood between them. On the contrary. He has gone out of his way to flatter her and she indeed feels flattered. So what's his best tactic to have a chance of ultimately ending up with her? At the moment he is leaving her well alone and giving her all the space she needs. Suffice to say that I only asked her out after I'd accumulated enough (as far as I was concerned!) indicators of interest over a long period of time...that's right: I am that guy!Thank you for any suggestions/advice! P.S. We have been 'at arm's length' (such is the geography of the department) business colleagues for over 3 years.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (9 December 2008):
 OK so here it goes. GIRLS ARE STUPID sometimes. WE ARE! If you give her too much attention and too many compliments you wont win. Pull back completely and let her come to her senses. Yes its possible that one day she will see you in a different way, that you will " grow on her' that she will realize that you are a nice guy who is always there for her and listens to her and she would rather be with you then the assholes out there. Girls do generally get attached to guys that give them attention but are also turned off by guys that ooze desperation and treat them like they are the cats a&##. Hope this helps just be yourself and don't try too hard we can smell that from a mile away:)
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