A
female
age
41-50,
*asey
writes:Hello, I have been seeing someone for about 2 months now. We have some histoy, we dated a few times in high School. I have been seperated from my husband for a little over a year and it is definately over for us, he is just draging his feet. We have 3 children together. Anyway, my friend has been divorced for 5 years and has a little boy. We got together when I was living in the same city as him, but have since moved 150miles away. Then there is the fact that he is an alcoholic and has been sober for just over a year. He seems to be very understanding of his limits. I feel like he really knows this has to go slow(relationship). I felt that I was understanding of that too. Then I made the mistake of reading into a situation too much. I asked him if he would like to come visit me, that I had a gift certificate to a jazz club/restaraunt. He said he checked his schedule and does not have 2 consecutive days off anytime in the near future. I have gone to visit him 3 times since I moved away. So I decided that if he couldn't try to make 2 consecutive days off then he must not feel the way about me as I do towards him. what do I do? I ask him if I should read into our conversation. He of course says he doesn't know what I mean. So my words were 'I guess I am feeling that maybe you are a little more special to me than I to you. So, am I reading too much into it?' (did i mention this was all texts) Anyway, I hit send - then quickly realize how dumb i was being. So I quickly write "maybe I am just hormonal and totally confusing you" (I have just started back on birth control after 8 years, and he knows this) His reply is 'Yea, and scaring me a bit too'. I text back - 'Sorry I am being a little scary - do you ever have those moments you wish you could just erase - could you just forget my last 4 texts?'So, I did not hear from him last night. Still nothing this morning. Both unusual. Have I scared him away for good? Should I just sit tight and let him make the next move? I really like him and I am willing to take it slow. I think us being 150miles away helps. I do go there quite a bit because my family lives there. And am planning to move back in about a year so I really hope we can keep this going.
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alcoholic, divorce, long distance, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Kasey +, writes (13 September 2008):
Kasey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI suppose I should clarify that we went out the first time when I had already found out I HAD to move for personal reasons. The purpose of the meet was just to catch up after it had been so long. The next was a date and started out as lunch and movie, turned into dinner after movie, mini golfing, and a midnight trip to the park. I also agree I am being a bit paranoid. Thanks for any comments.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2008): I'm not sure why you ended up moving away, but I think you are being paranoid. I dated a guy for eight years whom I moved fifty minutes away, and in seven of those years, he came to my place three times--all times when my car broke down and I needed help.
You were the one who moved 150 miles away. That is quite a drive, especially for people who don't like driving. I don't think you should expect him to travel that far as often as you do since you were the one to move away.
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A
female
reader, Kasey +, writes (13 September 2008):
Kasey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Smiles. Your answer is very helpful. I do really care for this person and I hope that I am able to control my emotions in the future., that is if i here from him again.
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A
female
reader, Kasey +, writes (13 September 2008):
Kasey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Aunt Agony. Your answer is very helpful. I do really care for this person and I hope that I am able to control my emotions in the future., that is if i here from him again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2008): Dear Poster
I think you have not been to fast, BUT to IMPULSIVE; I think this guy is quiet because he got a "fright"; he is probably doing some "stock taking" and I suggest you give him some room and space. DO NOt keeping sending him any more sms or try to contact him; wait until you hear from him;
I do believe that if he is really "into" you this would not scare him away forever; but you will have to make an concerted effort to control your emotions and insecurities; acting on impulse is not a good thing; I suggest in future, do not type the message on the phone, first write it out, then read it a few time, then go do something else, take your mind of it; then go back and if you still feel the same way, type and send the message.
No matter how difficult, just stay cool and calm, don't apologize or make any more excuses, it will just make matters worse; GIVE HIM TIME.
If in the next week you don't hear from him; maybe send a text saying something like: "are you okay? thinking about you" but PLEASE give him at least a week before you do anything; otherwise he will think you are desperate and will be even more frightened.
Use this time to work on yourself and to pamper and spoil yourself and your kids. Keep yourself occupied with things and try not to stress about this to much.
Hope this is of assistance. Keep us posted. You are welcome to talk to us anytime.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
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