A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What do I make of this? I've been with my partner for 5 years we had a son together. He had to move for work and things got rocky with the distance and he eventually told me he had met someone and had been seeing her for a few months without telling me as he wanted to see where things were going (using me basically)Well I made him choose between me and her and I moved down to be with him after he made a decision I can't help but feel he wanted a fling but at the same time all his friends that I know said theywere happy and I've ruined things for him I don't know what to do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 October 2014):
 You've got too many scruples. Of course he had to choose, and of course you were entitled to MAKE him choose if he had not made up his mind yet. You have a son together, it's a family.
At some point he needed to choose whether he wanted to salvage his existent relationship and keep his family intact- or go after change, adventure and the unknown. And yes, one does not get to CHOOSE the timing in these situation, because it's not fair to their official partner, who is NOT supposed to stay there twirling her thumbs indefinitely,while he gets the best of both worlds.
You asked him to choose, and he freely chose you.
Now, if you want to know how convinced he is about his choice, or if he'll ever regret it, or if he will at times miss the other woman, frankly I have no idea, not knowing him, or you, or the state of your relationship.
But that you have to feel guilty , as his friends suggest, for spoiling his fun.... eh that's rich.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 October 2014):
 If he's not happy with you it doesn't matter if their relationship is ruined. Would you want to be with a man who is already lining up a woman before your break up then staying with you out of guilt? They were only happy because the woman is only hearing his version of what's going on. If she had known that there is a possibility that he would go back to you then the fling would have ended.
If he wanted a break up he should have just gone through with it instead of going back and forth as it prolongs the agony. He was cheating but was assuaging his guilt by telling you he wanted to have a new relationship with someone else. Somehow considering his future and happiness made it less of a sin. Cheating is cheating even when you contemplate a break up but didn't do it yet. If you really love someone you make it work by trying to move you and the son into the new area. When he doesn't want to do that it means he's using distance as an excuse to end the relationship.
I see him running from responsibilities and this is what I can't tolerate from a man, no matter how young he is, and how he missed out from his youth such as partying and the single life. Before thinking of ending a relationship and arranging child custody issues, he has no business dating someone new and can not offer any woman happiness. All he is doing is testing out his marketability. He is only with you because financially it's more doable than to wine and dine a new woman, pay child support, then finding out it's hard to sustain both. No thanks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2014): Grab some confidence. You asked him to choose, and he choose you. Now, that you have him be happy. Add some spice to you relationship, and keep it there. There are several websites dedicated to the small things to keep a relationship positive. Use them. Remember you have the guy she doesn't, don't turn him away worrying about the what ifs. Prove his friend's wrong she ruined his life not you.
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