A
female
age
51-59,
*owbadifeel
writes:Hello. I think I may have messed up big time with my boyfriend. We were together a year and a half and he would sometimes say things to me jokingly but it hurt my feelings, or he would continue to bring up my past before him (like the fact that I was married to a white man and that was disgusting to him when he thought about it, i'm a black female), he one time told me that i wasn't lady like because of the way i was sitting at an event we were at (i was just sitting on my legs and had my arm propped up on the arm of the chair), he told me i should stop dressing certain ways, and the list goes on and on. i tried what i could to make him happy but it's like he never was. i love this man more than anyone i have ever loved and i have never put forth more effort in a relationship but here is what i did.... he sent me a text message telling me that it really concerned him that i thought it was okay to wear a shirt that I had to pull up throughout the day and i lost it, i text him back and told him he was a hurtful, self righteous, egotistical sob and i couldn't stand his guts, i told him the only reason i was even with him is because i felt sorry for him (he is not the most attractive guy in the world, i told him that i could replace him by the next day if i wanted to and that i hated him and that no man will get away with treating me the way he has and the list goes on and on. all that being said i loved/love him and i think i have ruined it forever. i haven't heard from him in weeks and i miss him a lot but i haven't called or anything. have i ruined this forever? or a better question is should i be glad if it is ruined forever?
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 It was not you who ruined this relationshp. He ruined it when he refused to accept you for who you are. In relationships, it is alright to want change but the things he complained about and the way he went about it is completely wrong. Be glad he is no longer there. Now you are free to find a more accepting relationship with ANYONE, one that you can be happy in just being who you are without any judgement.
I hope that helps.
A
female
reader, Princessmamma +, writes (2 December 2010):
In my honest opinion the things he was saying to u were horrid and rude. U shouldnt have to change anything for someone else they should love or like u the way u are.ya i get remarks about my past when i was with a black man as i am a white woman but its no ones business that was the past and this is the future. I think if he really liked u he would have liked ure company and they way u dressed sat talked ect. The fact that he told u those things doesnt make him a nice person bcuz he is trying to turn u into someone ure not. Ive been in many relationships like that especially one that ended up really bad i was married and he did the same things it was awsome at first but he slowly started treating me badly it ended in a domestic violence situation where i had to run away. Not saying that will happen to u but watch for the warning signs. Him telling u that stuff hurts u that is ure warning sign something is wrong. I have been with my gf a little over a year she accepts everything about me including my past she knows ive made alot of mistakes but that was the past and she doesnt judge me on it. She loves me for me not what i look like or what i wear or how i sit ect. She could care less bcuz my heart and my personality and they way i treat her mean more to her than my outside appearance. To be honest i dont think im a gorgeous supermodel but to her i am. She loves me for me regardless of all those things. Thats what u need is someone to love u for u and not the things u do its ure personality and the way u treat them that matters most. Find someone who likes u just the way u r. And please please dont change for anyone be ureself and when uve found the person that likes u for u u will know. Good luck hun i wish u the best
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (2 December 2010):
Definitely be glad! He's an insulting jerk. You can dress and sit the way you want! And there's no shame in dating or marrying a white guy. Be glad you're rid of him, and hopefully he took some of what you said to heart!
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