A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi. 3.5 years ago a woman joined my workplace who I was visually attracted to at the time but we never spoke. I was (and still am) in a long term relationship. She married one year later. In fact the first time I spoke with her was when she returned from honeymoon! During the second conversation I started teasing her lightly and she reached out to nearly touch me and then seemed to deliberately pull back. So, some attraction was possibly created then. I've been fighting the attraction ever since. During the intervening time there have been occasional e-mail exchanges - not strictly work related but then not overly flirtatious either. We don't really work together in fact but nonetheless always exchanged broad smiles in the corridor and very short conversations here or there – very occasionally. But I've always fancied her of course. End 2006 she's at my desk congratulating me on the birth of my second child (I'm not married, incidentally) and there's me thinking 'thanks......actually - I still really rather like you!'. Fast forward to 2008 and I'm sending her a Valentine card and chocolates with a cheeky/playful anonymous-but-plenty-of-clues-type message. Cue months of exchanging strong eye contact, knowing smiles and very rare and stilted conversation in passing. A couple of weeks ago she must have thought I was going to talk to her at an off site company 'sports day'. Again, we exchanged nervous eye contact but no conversation took place. A few days later I'm walking down the corridor and I hear my name called - I turned around - it was her! This really threw me. She walked right up to me with sultry smiles and basically had nothing to say for herself! She seemed to be sending me a subliminal message – how should I have read this? 10am the following day I phone her up to ask her permission to send her an e-mail through the office system (implying the content would be unprofessional). Basically, I asked her out via e-mail. She read the e-mail immediately but then took the better part of two hours to respond. I was rejected out of sight. Now part of me thinks she had no choice since she wanted to avoid a paper trail which might allude to the early signs of infidelity and lack of professionalism. In other words, part of me thinks I have not really been rejected. The other part of me thinks I have. I laid low for two weeks and then she went on a two week holiday. Tomorrow she is back. How should I play this? She knows I fancy and like her and now have intent in mind. It's her move now, right? Essentially I'd be grateful for advice on the boy-meets-girl stuff. I don't need a telling off about marital vows and potential fall-out concerning the children. She has none and I have two. Let's save that moral dilemma for another occasion! Thanks everyone. Be good - but not as good as me! 3.5 years is a long time, remember – so spare me the insults! I’ve done my best to hold out but my will power is admittedly low at the moment...
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flirt, infidelity, married woman, teasing, workplace Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): ...sounds like she may well fancy you in return and is in the eye of the storm contemplating her next move. Good luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): Comment from original poster of the question:
..feelings are feelings, I guess. Not ideal but such is life!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): Shes married. Back off your in a relationship with children and she has a husband. Leave it alone. Stop being selfish.
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A
female
reader, AskSusie  +, writes (27 July 2008):
Anonymous, you've shared your story with potentially thousands of readers and you've asked everyone to spare you the insults.
Are you looking for permission to potentially destroy three people's lives.
What you need to do to play this is be honest with yourself and the people around you.
Stop being selfish.
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