A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I've been talking to this man from Greece for a year now. We've met online and we both like each other and planning to see each other in Christmas since he's coming to the US to see me. This man is sweet, kind and respectful, sometimes too good to be true. He showers me with gifts, during my birthday, or even when I'm not feeling good. As an American with a past of getting cheated on, my friends tell me that I'm over romantacising him and should be careful with European men, especially Greeks, since they are womanizers and see Americans as an easy target for sex, and that they can make good lovers but not boyfriends, eventually leave and start looking for someone new when the honeymoon phase ends. And this is freaking me out! The thing is, he sometimes acts like my boyfriend, but never mentioned where we stand or if we should be "couples", he doesn't like arguing, and never really argued with me, which makes me sometimes think that he only wants to maintain the perfect image until he gets what he wants from me. We are planning on what we should do when he comes here, and he wants me to come over his Airbnb, watch a movie together, cook me some Greek food, and even have a pillow fight, yes, sounds a bit like a romantic fantasy, but he is really that romantic. I don't have any negative gut feeling about this, but I also don't want to end up fooled. I asked my friends in Europe about the dating culture there, and they told me that people there basically don't date, they just spend a good time together, have the first kiss, and continue as a couple (without having to discuss this) and for me, it just sounds like a cultural shock to me. I'm not sure if really that's his culture, or he's just playing around and possibly doing this with other women at the same time. I know his personal details (where he works, studied, his address, his full name) and did my research and found him on several websites which is a relief that he's really whom he is and not lying about his identity,but still that doesn't mean that he's not playing me. And it also gives me doubts sometimes that he never talks about his past relationships because when I talk about mine, he immediately gets a bit upset (he doesn't tell me he's upset but I can notice it from his face when we video chat), the only thing he told me about his part relationships is that he used to be in a sexual relationship with a girl but eventually ended it with her since he wanted to look for something more serious (he told me that she was also crazy and threatening him as she was in love with him but he was clear from the beginning that he doesn't have any feelings towards her, he just wanted to have sex and that's it.) Anyone can advice me what to do?
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female
reader, Dizzy66  +, writes (11 August 2022):
 There have been many successful long distance relationships born from online dating, but there is always a risk that there is an ulterior motive if the person you are involved with comes from somewhere that is less prosperous than you, so be cautious, and take your time getting to know him.
If you enjoy speaking to this guy and would like to meet him I see nothing wrong with this, but on first meeting him ensure it's in a public place, not his AB&B.
This may turn out to be no more than a long distance fling, so don't get too emotionally involved, only time will tell if the relationship can progress to being a full blown love story.
On first meeting someone, whether it be on our doorstep or long distance we need the time to get to know one another, and we can only hope that they turn out to be genuine and true. As long as he's not asking you for money (Don't give him any), let the relationship progress naturally, he may be a good, decent guy.
To be fair the US is a long way from Greece and if he's just looking for sex it's a long way to go for it and I doubt he would spend the travel time and the money to do so if that was the only thing he was looking for. Just because he's Greek doesn't make him a womanizer, they unfortunately can be found in any country.
If you really like him, get to know him, ask about his life, his family, his culture, not everyone is comfortable talking about past relationships so don't judge too harshly on that point.
One thing is for sure, dating someone in another country is never easy, long spells apart can be a big problem for some,
and it can test the strongest of relationships.
Just have fun getting to know him, don't take it all too seriously, don't have great expectations, and see how it goes. :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2022): Please be careful.
I don't come from Greece but I know that part od the world well (the Balknas). I speak Greek and know there culture.
Even though they are in the EU, they are very low on the totem pole there. And for good reason! They are plagued by corruption. I am not saying that there are no honest people there. I am just giving you concrete info.
Their economy is VERY bad. They rely on tourism. Those who have rooms/appartemments or ideally whole houses to rent, they work little but live well. But mostly their population is experiencing a big financial crisis. Some women and men would do anything to get by.
They do target people coming from the UK but not only! They are targeted the most because there are a lot of British people there but make no mistake American are on their "menu" as well.
A friend of mine from Bulgaria got conned by a good looking doctor on one of the islands (and yes he was a real doctor which gave him an access to many foreign women and easy credibility). She went crazy for him nit understanding that she was just one of many girls/women he had fun with (and some of yjem were also a nice financial source).
Many Greeks would like to leave their country and the USA is first on their list of destinations.
I won't repeat what others have said about other red flags, just know this you don't know him, people on the Internet pretend and if he looks too good to be true he most likely IS.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2022): Honeypie is always a tough act to follow; she has a uncanny wit and way with words. She has covered all the bases!
In reading your post, you don't seem to be jumping into anything feet-first. It seems your eyes are wide-open; and you don't come across as naive, or easy to fool. You deserve benefit of the doubt, but I'm not certain. Your heart will take you all over the place. People throw us off by saying what they think we need to hear; to avoid what they anticipate could be harsh criticism. I'll take you at your word. I'm not here to criticize, only advise.
I'm biracial, and half of that happens to be Greek! My dad's heritage didn't seem to bother my mother, who was only 16 when they met. They married when she was 18, my father was 26. I don't know where your friends get their stereotype of Greek men and Europeans; but trust me, they are the same things Greeks say about Americans, both male and female! Everybody has their own list of stereotypical-attributes about other races, religions, and nationalities; but just remember that no one person is representative of all others of their ilk. They share origins, but are not of a single mind or personality-type! You met an individual, and he does not represent or speak for all Greek men. He should be judged on his own merit; just as you are not to be judged by what foreigners think of Americans. Things they say and think of us are pretty harsh. Especially, when they look at the divisiveness within our American culture; and the deceitfulness and animus within our national politics.
You may know "of" this man, but you don't really know him; until you've spent much time together. The romantic-bliss lingers, because you haven't really had the opportunity to experience a range of his emotions; and you haven't faced different challenges that establishes how two people connect in different ways. Your brief encounters and romantic rendezvous still maintain the mystique of romantic euphoria. You don't know his bad-side and faults; and he doesn't know yours. That's when people really begin to get to know each-other. You can still enjoy the sweetness of "unawareness" of what lurks beneath the surface; which allows the imagination to do all the work, until reality fills-in all the blanks.
You've maintained your sense of self, and haven't given over to fantasy; but you need to keep your eyes wide-open. Whether he lives across the street, or continents away; you've yet to know him when he's on his worst behavior, the extent of his anger, and the secrets that may be relevant to whether he is who he says he is, or only portrays himself to be. All yet to be determined.
Then there's the long-distance romance side of things. Your imagination and positive-impressions may muddle your common sense; because he is most intriguing, mysterious, and appealing due to his uniqueness. He's like something from a romance novel, and the personification of romantic figures portrayed in movies and novels. His foreign charm adds to his romantic-appeal. Your perceptions have to stay grounded on reality; not swept-away with your romantic delusions.
If your friends keep you grounded, based on common sense and facts; you're in good hands. You can get in over your head; because you have a need for love, and your heart will override reality and common sense. Been there, and done that! Just bear in-mind, if you don't have a hefty trust fund, or earn a six-figure salary that allows you to jet-set back and forth to Greece on a whim. I think you should maintain a level head; and keep your feet planted firmly on the ground. All those silly stereotypes your friend mentioned notwithstanding. My dad was nothing like that.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 August 2022):
I love the generalization of "European men"! As a European woman, I find that European men are far more open and honest about what they are looking for and what they are willing to invest. They can talk about feelings and are great listeners. But it all comes down to WHO you meet, no matter what country they are from.
Are there men (in ANY country) that will wine and dine a woman to gain sex? Sure.
Are SOME Greek and Turkish men KNOWN for romanizing tourists for financial and romantic gain? Yes. Usually, it's an "older" woman with a younger man. Some even have several "older" women in their "romance rotation". Absolutely true. Nothing new there. They don't really target Americans though. They target British female tourists the most. and yes, there are plenty of Northern European women (and probably Americans too) who have a holiday romance with some Greek, Turkish - whatnot man.
Don't talk about past relationships - he doesn't NEED to know and neither do you. UNLESS there is an ex-spouse or children involved.
And I will add, calling his ex crazy because she wanted more than just sex, IS a red flag. Because he might NEVER have told her to begin with that sex was all HE wanted. It's EASY to label an ex with "crazy" because you would probably never meet her.
And if he is WILLING to have a sexual relationship with someone who CLEARLY wanted more, he can do the same to you. You are not special.
To me, this sounds like a somewhat fantasy romance.
And yes, European dating culture is different. People might have a few dinners or outings together and decide I really like this person and if the other person feels the same, they are now a couple. Some DO discuss it. Some don't. But it's not like one or the other party can't bring it up. Exclusivity is also the "rule".
Whether people like to believe it or not there IS a waste difference in culture from Europe to the US and even within Europe. WASTE.
I think WHEN/IF he comes to visit - have the FIRST few meetings in public. While you FEEL like you know him, you don't really know him. Going to his AirBnB to spend time is not smart nor safe.
I think BEFORE he gets here YOU need to consider where you see this going.
Do you actually see this going somewhere? Does HE want to move to the US? Do you want to move to Greece? Can you speak Greek?
Can you handle a Long Distance relationship? Do you even WANT to?
While talking online makes you both FEEL this is "love" or deep feelings - the reality is different.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 August 2022):
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