A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:I have a friend. We built a close and intense friendship (we are gay men), that was intimate in nature but never sexual or physical (we spent a lot of time together, spoke on the phone, and in many ways had a close connection). This friend was always a generous, kind and supportive person - one I'm very proud to call my friend. I always worried he might have stronger feelings for me than friendship but he's rather shy with expressing his needs and so I didn't want to be presumptuous and screw up the friendship. We went on holiday together and he told me he was in love with me (at that time, I wasn't clear if he meant actual love, as in different cultures it means different things), after an incident where he reacted badly when he saw me on a dating app. At that time, I knew that probably I didn't feel more for him, but I wanted to give romance a chance so we decided to try a relationship. After a month, I realised I didn't really feel physical or romantic attraction, many friends had met him and thought very highly of him and pleaded with me to give it a chance. I decided to chat with him and to see if we can go back to friendship. He was quite hurt but told me he accepted it, but still every now and then I feel like he's confusing my being a close friend with me sending romantic signals. I observe people's chemical reactions to being in love, which really varies greatly, and I understand that the term "love is blind" probably refers to people who have a very strong attachment style that willfully ignores all red flags if they don't want to see something or it hurts. With this friend, I've sat down many times to explain how I feel, and I'm worried that he is holding hope that I will come round which I really doubt will happen. He keeps offering me nice experiences and paying for stuff. If I've expressed clearly and kindly where I'm at which obligation do I have ethically to him if I would want to be friends in the future? I can't tell if he's really listening to what I say or on cloud 9 where everything is rosy. Should I ask for a long break or is that presumptuous of me? I enjoy his company but also I worry that in the long term this isn't healthy for him, but he hasn't realised that yet. When I am distance to send signals, he says I'm being cold.
View related questions:
on holiday, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! |
