A
female
age
41-50,
*ngeleyes1975
writes:I am having a big issue with my boyfriend. When we have sex he always calls me very derogatory names. I am very offended by this; but in some situations I have went with it, in the moment you know! Have I opened a Pandoras box? I never here I love you during sex its always the vulgar comment! Any advice
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male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (15 November 2015):
Yikes! That would be a huge turn-off for me, too. You don't mention how he expresses his love for you outside of the bedroom. If he doesn't tell you sweet things at all, that is a sign that you should move on.Here's an idea on how to handle it: A few hours before you next have sex, tell him that you want to orchestrate and be in control of the sex tonight. OK, so you start having sex. You are in complete control and will be dominating him. Tell him what sweet words you want to hear and make him say those words to you...repeating them until he says them with meaning and passion. Make him give you the kisses you want. Squeeze his whatchamacallit if he gets out of line and remind him who is in charge. Make it a great session for both of you. Light the candles, put on something sexy, have the room all cleaned up. Give him the best sex he's ever had. He'll probably love it. Afterward...sometime before you next have sex...tell him nicely that's what you like and that being called a #^@_+)# breaks your sexual build-up and is not how you like to think of yourself.If he doesn't respond accordingly, he is probably selfish and it is time for you to move on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2015): I think there is dirty talk and there is being derogatory. Ok so it's a fine line but certain words can feel emotionally abusive despite the context. If you tell him how you feel and he is carrying on doing it then it's time to say goodbye. By opening up a conversation about it you are telling him you value your own feelings and you want him to do the same and stop. Personally I would have left a guy that did that on the first go. Not my taste at all. Let us know what he says.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2015): I'd explain, how others have suggested, that you don't like it. If he carries on, when he does it I would just walk off and say that you've told him you don't like it, its a complete turn off and you're not happy to carry on. He'd probably realise then.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 November 2015):
 "I think that in the heat of the moment you find it sexy to use some dirty words. The thing is that for me, being called **** or **** or **** and especially **** is a big turn off for me. It makes me want to stop having fun in bed with you. Hearing those words takes me right out of the moment and I just don't think that this type of language is going to work for me.
"For me, what is super hot and super sexy is to hear that you love me."
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 November 2015):
 I agree with Ciar.
Tell him that you let it fly before but that it's a huge turn off.
If that doesn't work, try use some on him during sex. See if he likes it.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (14 November 2015):
 You should definitively talk to your man and tell him that, now that you have experienced the dirty talk, you've changed your mind, and you want it to go back to no talk or whatever is suitable for you. Sex is a two-way exchange so if one is unhappy with parts of it, then it is the other's job to please. Don't allow to be pushed over with various counter-arguments. Instead, simply state what you want, stick to it and that you wish to fix that part in a mutually acceptable way.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (14 November 2015):
 Yes, but it's one you can easily close.
You simply tell him that you don't like it and find it a turn off.
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A
female
reader, BloggerChick  +, writes (14 November 2015):
 Don't devalue yourself like that. If you're uncomfortable with the names he calls you, tell him that. If its interfering with your experience during sex and making you feel worthless and offended he needs to know.
But on the other hand, don't think that this means he doesn't love you, he just maybe enjoys getting a little freaky in the bedroom. Some people have weird ways of showing love and weird ways of making love...
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