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writes: [Moderator's Note: 2 Questions from the same poster have been merged into one post]Question 1:Hi,I have been in a relationship for over 6 months now with the girl of my dreams.We are very happy and wish to spend the rest of our lifes together.However there is a situation my best friend use to be her ex and cheated on her a lot and there is evidence of it.Though we were good friends there has been many a time where he has put me down he even hit on my ex but i took nothin of it because i loved and respected him. But after sometime for some unknown reason his ex and I started talking and we were a match beyond recognition and grew closer and closer without blowing it out of proportion even though we flirted a lot but we knew our boundaries I wanted to tell her so many time that my friend was a cheat but didnt bec it was not right..At one point though we fell for each other but realised it was wrong and did stop this hurt so much though but we had to. I really wanted to get over it and fall in love with someone else and even asked advice from my now soon to be wife someday.This hurt her i didnt realise this however after sometime things werent working out with the girl i liked and told her. She also told me that her ex was treating her really bad. And then one day I decided that I still liked her and was in love with her and we both felt this way.She broke it off with him and I told her about his cheating. Since then we have grown so close together and have many hopes.But her ex is constantly bothering us im so scared i will lose her we love each other so much I really dont want to lose her and let her go please help me........U will be saving a persons love and life how should I deal with this sitation please help me..........Question 2: I am 21 years old and im dating my best friend's ex girlfriend. I knew for a long time that my best friend was cheating on her but never knew enough. Fortunately i fell in love with her but was in a dilemma of keeping my friend's trust or saving the girl's life, I chose the latter. I didn't tell her I was in love because she was still with my best friend and also she had fallen in love with me. I tried to get rid of those feelings by looking and trying to fall in love with someone else. But I kept going back to her. I love her so much and have given everything up for her and she appreciates that.I want to know whether I have made the right choice by giving up on my friend who is a cheater and a pathological liar who I have lost all respect for.In addition we both have the same circle of friends please advice me I really need your help.
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reader, Another_Kapiti  +, writes (15 November 2009):
 Yes...I see you're in a bit of a quandary! Your best friend sounds like his is very hurt (meaning he feels like you've broken the trust of a friend over a woman) and now wants you to hurt like he does. Either you can sit down and talk to your friend and make him understand why you behaved the way that you did (telling the girl you love that he had cheated on her in the past) over loyalty to him, or alternatively, avoid the same circle of friends until tensions have abated somewhat. Personally, I'd go with the first choice, honesty is usually the best policy!
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