A
female
age
30-35,
*uroneko
writes:Here’s how it goes. (I am posting this because I’m frustrated and I need to vent.) To make a long story short, since I’ve been telling over five sources this already and I’m sick of typing it out, in grade 10 I was in band with a guy I’ll call Simon. October 12-13, 2007 at an overnight band camp we spent a lot of time together just talking…I guess something must have clicked because that progressed into a relationship that never because “official” because I was 15, he 17. Grade ten and grade twelve, respectively.We mutually split up beginning of my grade 11 year because I didn’t feel as if I liked him that way anymore. Apparently, I’m a real idiot because HE never stopped liking me. That became apparent not too long after. I for various reasons did not really want to enter a dating relationship with him again, though it wasn’t that I didn’t like him, as I grew to like him again a bit more over the end of grade 11, summer, grade 12, which I am currently in. The issue is that while I’ve told him I don’t really want to pursue a relationship, I’ve also been kind of – unintentionally, but doing it all the same – stringing him along by being friendly, almost flirting.That all came to a head on Friday, Halloween. I made the mistake of saying I didn’t see a future for us, which he interpreted wrong and became quite upset about. He later sent me a document saying that he found life increasingly not worth living, that he had hoped I would be able to help him through this, together, and then in one sentence, this was all taken away.Now obviously, I’m a jerk and an idiot. I hate that I am doing this to him, and I want to fix it. I feel we should talk – face to face, since emailing is not very effective when he hasn’t replied for two days. Perhaps he needs his space. But there is history of suicidal ideation in both of us and while I’ve stopped using OTC drugs he is still using them – alone, when not with his friends. I worry he’ll do something rash.I admit this all smacks of the whole messiah complex issue. However, not knowing what he might do has it that I cannot just leave it. Having said that, neither can I tell all this to my parents, only that I need to talk to him.Today is Monday. My mother says I will have to wait until after the weekend.I am sorry. But WHAT? Am I being so immature? Is this so unimportant? Maybe it’s foolish that I cannot tell her why I am so concerned. So be it. Last person I would go to is her. I am afraid I do not have the best relationship with my parents. I don’t know if Simon would do anything rash – I only worry he will. Am I being paranoid? You might understand why I am so frustrated at this moment – when my mother tells me there are more important things I ought to be worrying about that I am not (like SCHOLARSHIPS, wtf, NO). Scholarships and my grades over my friend’s mental/emotional health?Would texting him seem desperate? Is it a bad idea? I do not want to feel like I am overeager in plaguing him with apologies when my own words sound hollow in my ears no matter how much it hurts me to be hurting him. I brought this on myself; all the same, any advice on what to do? I could phone him – but I’m horrid on the phone, and it seems horribly impersonal to be talking about an issue such as this.
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female
reader, Kuroneko +, writes (4 November 2008):
Kuroneko is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice.Emily: Thanks, though I can't say that he's ever exhibited behaviour of the sort, so I'm not sure his personality is like that. Then again, having a subjective view, I could be wrong.I'm just worrying that I'll seem overly pushy/aggressive/self-centered if I try to contact him when he hasn't responded to my last email, which was two days ago. It seems long to me. I don't know if I should try again?
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (4 November 2008):
Ah the classic "you won't go out with me so I'm going to kill myself now" line. My friend has a neighbour who slits his wrists in front of his girlfriend because she doesn't want to be with him and it's the only way he can force her to stay with him. She's constantly having to call the police and ambulance service when she hears him screaming at his girlfriend through the wall.
Text him and just say "I need to know you won't harm yourself. I am very worried. Text back so I know you are ok."
If he text back anything other than to say he is fine and isn't doing anything so stupid, then call his parents and say he has just threatened suicide and you are worried.
You can't worry about this guy or blame yourself. He's trying to control you like my friend's neighbour. You SHOULD be concentrating on your scolarships and school work. You can't let this over-dramatic emo teen ruin your future just because he has a crush on you.
Get an assurance from him that he is not going to self harm and if he doesn't give you that then call his parents.
I'm 99% sure that if he says he's got nothing to live for and is going to end it and then you call his parents and they dash in, they'll discover him fine and working out how he can upset you next.
Good Luck!! xx
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