A
female
age
41-50,
*amohir
writes:I think i completely suck the whole thing in. Dont know what to do? Please, any advice.Thnigs has started 1 month and half...Very quickly and uncontrolable, when i look back from now, it was probably because i got my mind not on its place, totaly lost, out of control.I usualy dont start any relationshi like this. Was first night met, and from a number of curcumstances(like not being able to get home, because i was closed)finished sexualy. i wouldnt and didnt expect anything afterwards, was logical to me and would have been GOOd.. But fortunately/or not , we started seeing each other quite intensly, he started calling me, txt me, every day we were together, part i like and dont, because had that damn feeling he was taking my time,because he needed me at that moment thats all.If anyone has read my previous question, than this would be clear,for those who not ill write it shortly again.Now, where i think it started to suck, this year was a little hard for me, and got many new friends if may so, who re bit diffet\rent from old ones and with whom somethimes i feel OK, but are not my style.Completely different! means i had/ and still have some friends would say from the "elite"(at least to this conditions), with good manners, or ones that are snobbish. On the other hand have this friends, from some low class, that are mostly drug dealers, no educated and so on..The point is,this period was more with them, simply because i didnt/and was short of money and everyything to join the other ones. The previous week, i told to my BF9i Would call him like that to avoid confusion) to go away, (the 1st question) that im material, snobbish,and such kind of girl, which indeed is true. Can visit my friends from low classes but will never consider them as my permanent company, I know it sounds quite snobbish or whatever but thats how it is. We tend to choose whats best for us, hope u ll agree.H(bf)e was in Autria for 4 days, not a busy things to do but to pay visit to his mother.he called to see and settle thigs down... i was very cold honestly,staying apart from him, not allowing to touch me, was late 1h, and shouted thathe left...Dont know why but i could not acted different. Firstly, i expected nice present instead got a box of Mozart chocolates, then stated that i think he is manipulating me, just to get what he wants(meaning on sex probably and company..Then i got softed, i just cannot look at his eyes and be that cruel, cannot tell him to go,think he is aware of this. The point is guess i need him as much as he, dont know if its love or not , but cant resist the his touch of any kind and not to feed back on it. Than we went to to drug dealer, just to take some weed, which was my suggestion and firstly didnt want him to come, but changed my mind because the damn dealer is in love or wants to have his way with me. I had told the dealer before that HE wont have anything alike from me, and if he wants can take the money i give. Somethimes he was taking but most of time no/or i was broke and didnt give to him. I have known that this could lead to some later repercussions but didnt think of it! he is the surest man to provide me , when i donnt have money. And im not a junkie if anyone got that immpression, just take occassionaly and not any hard stuff. However, The dealer got outraged,because i had taken my BF to his house which was in so bad state, that my Bf eyed to me most STRANGELY and Astonishing(was expecting probably a much better place) and to I dont know what , pay his bills probably,took the chocolates, which btw i accepted and made it Clear to my Bf, only for my mum which i plan to visit. That was his suggestion since i dont eat sweets, and he is aware of it! He had Boght me before the same, i said they re tasty but dont enjoy eating sweets, Which is true!Then we went to his house, and i was talking how he took my chocolates in such cruel way, on which My bf took out another box.I was crushed completely,firstly because i think if he had bought it only for me Why he needs another one!?. He said that his intention was to give me one now and one on other occassion! I was totaly disapoinded and mad(even i was and still am calm of the weed), One now one later, sounded to me totaly planned, totaly manupalating! Maybe i was wrong, but looked to me like that, and told him about what i think!,Than went to rest a bit on his bed, just to gain strength to go home, and again i felt completely close. Knew i was going to give myself all to him, so i just got up and went for taxi. I took money for the taxi of him, because i i gave to the dealer not to have any connection to him, i think he( bf) didnt noticed that, so he concluded that i went out without any penny, and ordered dinner and drink .. which he paid.I offered my hand cream for exchange,but he didnt take it. How can i handle this situation?Has he get wrong immpression of me? Does he think can have me ,\ easily as he indeed had me from 1st time onwards?Does he think, okei can have good fun and nothing to give for it? Even he stated that he thinks that our relation is more than fun, and feels offended when i will throw something like that to his face..I dont feel have strenght to handle the situation ,and can fall as easy prey in his hands... When i was leaving he asked me if we re going to see later,on which he got only BYE. Do not think will call him for some time. Even did he said, he will not pressure me , and will wait for my call..bUt How can i interpret such things like buying two boxes of chocolates!! What the hell his intention was!?Fell completely confused,i allowed this guy to came into my life completely, learning most my bad sides, gave myself to him so easily(which dont think is my appreciable), and think he would manipulate and leave me... Maybe he s got the same immpression,dont know...but on the ocassions he seems quite possesive and needy ... I cant even drink my coffe without been teased by him! He simpy asks for all of my attention! But im not sure why ... Have i allowed him too much, so now has immpression that he can and have me? Dont know how to settle down this situation,i feel something very strong and right about him on occasions, but the thought of being just used cannot simply get off my mind. And is easily to be used when somebody knows ur bad sides, ur blind spotes,when the things in ur life are not going as planned, when u dont feel strong, have had finished recently a relationship, which came out to be of using and nothing else, when u went out from it dissapointed, almost Broke, and with a lost time u cannot recall, and the other side(who btw appeared not to care at all) with other girl... Hope somebody can understand what i mean..And than u got another quick unexpected, unprepared relatioship which thought would be just one night stand!I know im totaly chaotic ... but How to settle things down.. What can i do? is it just me being paranoic, problem i have in my head or is it real? Have i have only lost my trust or have real grounds for doubt? Any suggestion, opinion everything would be welcomed!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jualsy  +, writes (12 September 2007):
 You do sound chaotic, but no wonder bearing in mind the chaos you have allowed to build up.You must know that this will never be the way you want, and he will never be the person you want, so why are you trying to find a solution?? Good relationships don't need solutions.....the problems are normal in a good relationship and sssssometimes it may paaay you to sit down and listen to your head instead of your heart.You cannot change what has happened.You cannot change HIMYou can only change the way you are handling this.If it is not what you want or understand, then make a choice!
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