A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Forgotten what normal is...My second Husband and I have been married for three years together for four we have a two year old son between us and each have two other children from previous marriages. Our relationship has been utter turmoil, we have lived in seperate houses for the past two years nearly. The first two years were disasterous he used to go out cheated on me refused to pay half the bills whilst he saved, had issues bonding with my children. I lost my job whilst four months pregnant he refused to pay more than a quater of the bills I ended up having to sell my and my childrens home where I had lived for ten years and lost all the equity trying to pay the bills whilst it was up for sale all this time he had £40000 in the bank.He left me to live in his own house telling his ex he was not with me to see his kids. I rented my own house but I had a small baby and two other children with no childcare so supplemented my earnings with my savings to keep a roof over the kids heads. I got a full time job and I struggle balancing it all but its the only way I can do it. He virtually lives with us but has his own house. We have tried working things out. He buys his own food but pays nothing towards my bills. We have talked about buying a house together but he always comes up with problems. He has his kids one day a week his ex will not let him have them more as he will take CSA off her, he insists his kids need their own rooms in our new house. My kids stay four days and nights a week my little boy had counselling after our relationship and I feel he needs his own space. I have offered my girl shares with his but he said no. Above all of that it means we need a five bedroom house but he refuses to have such a high mortgage. Lastly and the area I have issue with is I have had to start again when we met I had a good job my own home with £60000 equity now I have nothing and have to start again. I suggested as my monthly income is now higher than his he put the deposit for a house down and I combine my income with his. He said he will only put half down and I have to match it. This means I will rent for another two years. My kids make friends then we have to move renting is hard, I have had to move twice in two years so far. I feel like I am not married even though I am. I feel he could have saved us loosing my house he was willing to go on the mortgage when I had equity but not so willing when the chips were down. Now he is happy for me to save or pay him back I feel thats not how you act when you have a family maybe I forgotten whats fair?????
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cheated on me, his ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mavuyi  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 Aunt honesty u have said it all i couldn't agree with you more. Well said there
A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 My question is what DO you get out of this marriage?
What does he get out of it?
Seems like it was doomed to begin with? Maybe it is just time to take care of you and your kids and leave the bum behind. You might be better off without him than with him.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 I have to agree, you sound miserably and you have married a selfish man that doesn't seem to care about you, my question is why did you ever marry him? He doesn't sound good for you or your children. You have showing yourself that you can make it on your own once before now am sure you can do it again. It will be a lot less heartache in the long run.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): The question is - why are you with this man! If you read your letter back it is a catalogue of misery. You clearly are an intelligent woman who can make her own way. Leave him. Make a life for yourself and your children and be happy. It's the only way.
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