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anonymous
writes: Somedays, I feel so despondent about my extended family. (my mother, sister and aunts) I grew up with very judgemental, opinionated, gossipy family members.As a child I recall being criticized and feeling humiliated with cruel words, on a daily basis. As a result, I was a very quiet, meek child who withdrew. When I tried to fight back...the criticism became worse so I gave up. As a sensitive child, I felt very unloved, growing up. I am an adult now and I am no longer in contact with these people. The crazy thing is, they all get along with each other-I am the only one they have done this with. I have often wanted to ask them "why" but decided that they aren't worth the stress of doing that.I am a good person and live a nice, moral life. Amazingly as an adult, I am rather outgoing, caring and fun to be around. I have positive thoughts about life and I never judge, nor do I gossip. As a result, I do have some pretty wonderful and amazing friends. I do admit..I am wary and I have chosen my friends carefully. There have been occasions when I had to be around these family members (weddings, funerals) and it was incridibly hard being in the same room with them. They still ignore me, talk behind my back when I leave the room and treat me poorly.My son deserves to know his extended family but I have avoided taking him around these people ( as little as possible) for fear they will criticize him simply because he is "my" child. But now I feel badly that I haven't given him the opportunity to get to know his Grandmother & Aunts. He doesn't seem too worry about it much. (he's 14) He's a confident, bright, outgoing kid and lives a happy, solid life.Have I made the right decision for him? I have told him...he's now old enough -if he wants to meet them-we can take him to them. He doesn't seem that interested. But have I done the right thing by him? They seem to "only" treat me this way..and I have long given up, wondering why. I would appreciate any thoughts and opinions. Thank you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2005): no because having sex is fun and he should be alowed to have it with any one
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reader, becky05 +, writes (13 July 2005):
Youve done the right thing, by telling your son that he can meet his extended family if he wants when hes older, you have given him the choice.If, in the furture, he wants to see them, dont stop him, chances are, as an adult he will see what two-faced, nasty people your family are and understand your decision to keep him away from them in his youth.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2005): I had to do this.I felt so much for your situation, when I read your letter.But you have done the right thing. Really, it would be best if you leave things as they are. you know that your son would probably be better off without these people, family or no.If he wants to see them, then you are not stopping him, though remember, until he is 18, you would be perfectly within your rights to do so.As I say, I have been in this situation.I did not go to the weddings, funerals etc, and I had no contact with any relative of my blood relation until very recently when I discovered my father was terminally ill.I do not know how much what I have said can help you , but I just want you to know, your situation is unusual but by no means unique. I urge you to trust that inner voice, it is very seldom wrong.lots of love to you xxxxx
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female
reader, pinksoftkitten +, writes (12 July 2005):
I think you've done a marvellous job of bringing your son up with all the hurt in your past. Sometimes, we feel obliged to people, just because they are related to us. I'm pleased to hear you have broken away from them, even if this does leave you with issues of your own. Your son knows he can talk to you if he feels any curiosity, but it doesn't sound like he's too bothered. I would let sleeping dogs lie. It would be wrong to ease your guilt by embroiling your son in this situation. Talk about your family by all means, but I think you've done the best possible thing by allowing your son to mature first, so he's able to make his own decisions. Your son is a well adjusted happy boy, would he have still been this way if your family had played a large part in his upbringing??
You are doing the right thing by letting your son choose for himself. Well done. Keep listening to your son, and your head, not your aching heart for what may have been.
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