A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship for 7 years. The relationship transpired from my girlfriend having an affair. She promised when separated that we would spend more time together. 7 yeas on and she hasn't told her children about me and her ex is around her house doing various jobs. She even goes to watch rugby with him and the youngest child. I've tried so hard to sort things out but to no luck. I feel used and cheated suspecting that she stil is having a relationship with the ex. We only see each other once a week, if that. She says she loves me. I stopped contacting her and it's been 4 weeks without any response. Shows that I have been taken for a ride. I am hurt. Have a done the right thing in leaving this relationship.
View related questions:
affair, her ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 August 2017):
 You have been taken for a ride, I agree, though I doubt she set out to do that. But I have to disagree that you've done the right thing.
You're like the getaway driver in a bank robbery. You helped carry out the crime, and enjoyed in some of the spoils. The fact that you didn't get your full cut does not make you the innocent victim of a theft. You're a thief who was out foxed by another thief.
Yes, I think you made the right choice to finally move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2017): Yes, you've finally done the right thing, my dear sir!
During the time you were with this woman, were you offering her money or financial-assistance of any kind? You're a mature gentlemen; and it often follows that you're stable, level-headed, financially-secure, and generous by nature.
She of course would be a struggling young mother. By description she would be attractive, manipulative, alluring, and clever.
She sees men only as a means of survival. She never let go of the one she really cares about; but you compensated for his weaknesses and shortcomings. You wouldn't feel used unless you let yourself be taken for a ride. Which means you did offer her financial-assistance and gifts.
You may have played the part of "sugar-daddy" to some extent. She has children, and an ex who spends a lot of time around her doing chores and favors. She seems to be a high-maintenance type of lady who requires men around at her beck and call. All willing and able to serve.
She didn't tell her kids about you; because of your age. She had no intention of allowing you to be visible; but accepted whatever you were offering with no hesitation.
How you remained a secret for seven years is beyond belief. The fact you allowed her to keep you a secret only means you were allowing her to call the shots. She says she loves you; but I bet she loved your wallet even more.
Sometimes a man is lonely and needs the company of a woman; and he will see only what he wants to see.
You've finally decided to end it. Good for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (17 August 2017):
 It has been 4 weeks and she has not made any effort to contact you. Does that not give you your answer? She doesn't actually care. Sad but true.
While I totally agree that parents should not introduce partners to children until they are fairly confident the relationship is going to be a long-term one, not even admitting your existence to her children for 7 years would have rung alarm bells with most people a long time ago.
To all intents and purposes, she is still WITH her husband/boyfriend. He is not her EX. Rather, YOU were her bit on the side. That is how the relationship started, and that is how it was for 7 years. You just chose to ignore that and keep hoping it would turn into more.
Your post makes you out to be a VICTIM. However, you have ALLOWED yourself to be used. You are an adult who CHOSE to let her treat you in this way. Why did you not think you were worth better? If you play the part of a doormat, there will always be people who will gladly walk all over you. You ARE worth better. When you meet someone new, don't put up with anything less than what you deserve.
Leave this lady in the past where she belongs. She was never yours.
...............................
A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (17 August 2017):
 Yes you did the right thing to split up, when the relationship was not moving together much more in the early day you should have seen the light,
I don't think you got used, I think she is putting her kids first and you did not put the extra effort in in the first year to make this work,
there is never just one person to blame when things don't work out,
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (17 August 2017):
 Yes, I'd say that you *have* done the right thing.
She was never available for you in the first place, because separated is still married. My grandparents stayed married for 15 years, yet lived apart. You were the boy toy on the side for a married couple, and given that you started out as an affair, you already could never trust her, as she showed what her commitments actually mean to her.
Not telling her kids about you is the nail in the coffin. You were the 7-year itch. I know you're pissed off at wasting that much time, but you need to find someone who is truly SINGLE, as in divorce is FINAL.
...............................
|
