A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been flirting with a girl pretty heavily over the last three months online after we met in person through an extracurricular club at uni. She made is pretty clear she liked me a lot, and I hinted just as much back. I've never had a proper girlfriend before though (I'm 21) so we only had one "date" in this time which her friend came along too, but the girl was really apologetic about this and said we should do something together alone. She's been out of the country for a few weeks, I've had exams when she got back etc., so we haven't seen each another that much. Anyway, in person I find that I was struggling to speak to her that well, my social anxiety which I've mostly gotten under control came into play more than usual. She already told me she's similarly flustered around people she likes. Anyway, the other week there I texted her when we were both at a club asking her to talk to me outside. I was drunk and planned to ask her out. Stupid move #2 (not making a move earlier is stupid move #1). She said no because it she was having a great night and it sounded serious. To be fair, I didn't word it in a cheery way which would have made her think it was anything good, so that made sense. Then #3. She asked me, a week later, what I had wanted as if she was surprised I hadn't brought it up again on my own. Personally I'd decided not to ask her out now cos clearly I wasn't really ready. Anyway, I acted like a fool and said I didn't ask her out cos I was "strange" and I ended up being really negative and clearly insecure in that conversation. What's worse is her entire reaction at first probably hinted at the idea she'd have said yes (she responded with "I'm strange too"). But I don't know where I stand now. She basically didn't take the bullshit, told me I need to get over the crap that holds me back before asking anyone out and told me that I'm not a bad person at all and need to realize that. She also did say that she was disappointed in my behaviour, and called me overly dramatic and immature.So. I agree with everything she said. I used to be so socially dumb, and this year I've made so much progress... until recently with her. The end point of our conversation was that I said I agreed and would talk to her later when I was in a better mood and not on such a downer, when I had pulled myself together, really, and she said I should just improve for my own sake, and do what I want to do. I'm now not sure if I've blown my chances with her and she reassured me like that, whilst remaining firm, as a friend or if she's still open to me as a potential romantic interest but I've just damaged my chances for now. How long should I wait before getting back in touch etc.? She's gone for the summer in 2 weeks, and I'm out of the country in 3. Any advice on what my next move should be?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011):
well sounds like she is not interested now, other than you being her case to solve. She sounds like a nice girl but being so heavy in the begining was a MAJOR turn off, meet me outside (by text may I add) I dont think she will get over that one, she met you online, you act strange, then you text her that?? thats enough to make anyone run a mile. But she hasn't, she wants to help you be a better person, but nothing more. Just walk away, learn from this, and dont look back.
A
female
reader, Duckyhelp +, writes (30 May 2011):
 It sounds cute to me!You really like her and are not sure on how to act with her. To me it doesnt sound like you have blown your chances with her, sounds more like she is disappointed that you havent asked her out as you are so nervous! Don't be so hard on yourself about what she has said to you. I can tell from your story that she does like you and is reassuring you that she will be there.I would say, speak to her about a week before she goes away about this. Then it doesnt seem so last minute on your part and not rushed also for talking to her and repatching. Tell her that you will miss her when she goes away for summer and that you guys should meet up before she goes away for a while. Go to a coffee shop ect, have a chill time, a relaxed time and discuss your summers planned. Then see how the mood is, at the end of the "date" type thing, tell her that you like her very much and that when you are both back you would like to take her out properly.That shouldnt seem to forward and will hopefully create some excitement from her!
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