A
female
age
36-40,
*issnatty
writes:I met a guy a few months ago through some friends and he persued me but then I found out some things through the same friends. Ie he has a child and a lot of female friends, so I pushed him away without much explanation. I was in quite an abusive relationship and have massive trust issues so decided it wasnt what I wanted. We stayed friends and the more I got to know him I quite liked him- he is a very rare genuinely nice guy. So we decided to give it a go and spent the next month dating 'exclusively' until I freaked out over my trust issues again and pushed him away for no reason. Now he is saying he just wants to be friends so there is no worry etc, and see what happens in the future. The problem is its not him it's me and I just needed him to understand that sometimes its hard for me to blindly trust someone having been so hurt- he thinks it's him I'm uncertain about. He knows about my past - we have been nothing but honest with each other and I said this may happen. I also said I wanted to give it a go, but I guess he doesnt want to look like a fool again. After some time to think I do want to be with him, Im just hoping he feels the same. Im an idiot! I was just being cautious... I've now told him after a few days no contact that I miss him and think we could have something really good. He has just said that he is happy to have a chat next weekend. He doesn't call or text anymore and I'm guessing it's over- have I blown it or can I salvage it if I can somehow make him see it's not him at all and I just need him to understand? Any advice would be great! I'm 30 and he's 33...
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female
reader, Deagan  +, writes (11 May 2012):
 First, can you blame him for just wanting to remain friends? Not to sound blunt, but he shouldn't have to feel like he's walking on eggshells around you. It hurts to know that the person you're with doesn't trust you. As you put it, he thinks he's the reason why you feel so uncertain.
I quite honestly think this can not be salvaged. I think you need to work on yourself before working on a relationship. You even say yourself that you have a lot of trust issues and it caused you to push him away. I know you've been burned in the past but you have to work on trusting people again, but not at the expense of putting a guy in the middle of this. I know this is not want you wanted to hear, but it's the best thing you could do for yourself right now.
Best of luck.
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