A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi, As a single parent of 2 teenagers still reeling from the effects of acrimonious and lengthy, energy-sapping divorce I have lost all sense of self and fun and ability to enjoy life. Since the failure of this relationship I have had problems with confidence, esteem and assertiveness and feel lacking in social skills and I've stopped making the best of myself/going to the gym. Having somehow managed to graduate in law amongst all of that, my energy goes into managing kids, house and career - I have just managed to secure my first permament job since graduating. I had put aside all thoughts of ever meeting anyone else having had some brief and unsatisfactory encounters with married men (Me (gullible and inexperienced) Did you tell me you're married?). I met someone this week, a platonic friend of my sisters, while donned in baggy tracksuit and headscarf (a good look for housework and essay writing, no??) They turned up unexpectedly and although I was initially put out, I warmed to him and found him grounded, considerate, amusing and easy going. I didn't feel that he was being flirtatious but when they left I felt very unsettled and have woken on a number of occasions in the middle of the night, heart pounding, my mind full of him, even though I don't know him. Have I simply been single too long and is my subconscious just telling me that it's time to put all that negative stuff behind me and move on to the next stage or.....?
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female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (28 February 2009):
 Yes. But wait, was it him or was it just hot-flushes? LOL ... sorry, I just could not resist it ...
http://www.isoflavones.info/hot-flushes.php ...
It is always good to "listen" to your body. It has a wonderful way of telling us things deep beneath our conscious mind ..
A "hunch" is often merely our brain telling us that it has calculated something that has not added up .. so is "suspicion" ... so is "happy about something" ....
But it does mean that we should jump at it right away either.
Perhaps, like you said, your brain is telling you this: (1) Divorce is final, (2) children as safe and healthy, (3) some men are total jerks, but some are worth their gold in weight, (4) I am already well on my way to re-establishing a new life. So, your body kicks in and has reassessed its new situation. Hows that? :-)
I have met single men I found attractive and would like to get to know more, and invited them for coffee ... and they said thanks but no thanks. In other words, I got rejected LOL. And men who asked me out (married or unmarried) but I was simply not interested in, so I said no. And I now have a male friend I keep having coffees and dinners with from time to time even after we both decided we weren't going to go anywhere with it ... LOL ...
No FWBs in my life though, I just do not believe in it.
So yes, go out and enjoy yourself. You are older and wiser I am sure. But your life is already enriched by having two wonderful teenage children, plus you have a law degree, a career, and you take good care of yourself physically. I'd say a lot of people who see you would easily say ... I want what she's having!
Love,
Cat
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): Time to start a new project...YOU! Work on your self-esteem! Start with going to websites that help with that! Get a new hair-style! Redecorate your bedroom (sanctuary) Buy some new clothes. If money is a problem, go to your local thrift store, find things you can put together to begin an New You!
As for this man you met, tell your sister you are a bit interested, plan another meeting...this time show him another side of you! He has definitely sparked your interest, now it is time for you to pursue that!
Good Luck!
...............................
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